No Matter What You Do

Do you see that? The light that envelopes everything. It’s kissing us, laying its hands on us in the most gentle of ways, like the shoulder touches before crumbling into a hug that melts us together like the layers in a grilled cheese – It’s encompassing.

Are you going to say it yet? How long will you hesitate? Yes, it’s hesitation babe. I remember your reaction to the first time I used that word. You lit up, like I gave you the ring, and it was something you wanted to say yes to – So are you going to say it yet?

They say only the good die young; We’ll outlive – Well at least I’ll outlive them all. I know what’s on your breath, I know what you have under your bridge; The arch in your back I slip my hand under doesn’t need support, but this damn touch may sap your keystone’s integrity – Is it not erosion that brings us all back to the soil? It’s not my intention to pull the will from you; You earned your strength, you’ve built your own temple, and it’s magnificence has nothing to do with me.

I decided to not dwell on my situation – Living a drifter’s life. I decided to think about you and how you’re doing. You failed to find a bed didn’t you. I wasn’t looking for a bed as much as I was looking for a story to tell myself. None of this third person bullshit taking me for some lesser perspective. I knew exactly what I was after. I knew some ways I could get it. I just didn’t have the spirit to accept it yet. It’s in there. I don’t know the words, but the feeling that will birth them is in there. That’s right, I’ve done it; Before this and before I die encompasses my entire life. This I’ve told you, that I’ve never babbled, but this comes close. Are you willing to dip yourself into those dark depths, to lay your self upon those razor fangs and accept it?  – The danger of permanent annihilation. You’ll always exist by nature of what things are, but I’m discussing the awful state of being stuck in a loop with no feedbacks. The infinite loss.

You don’t live in the reality of this world! You are barely an extra on reality’s stage! You live your cushioned life, surrounded by everything most people can’t even dream of because they’ve never been privy to such blessings. I’m not talking about the money; You have no money. I’m not talking about the health; but you have your health. I’m talking about acceptance. You are accepted so you don’t know the absence that many do; The Lucky ones know they are ostracized.

Luckily I can accept you; I can accept my position, our circumstance – but I can not accept that you hide from it all; Your actions try me to my mast in the most awful of storms where risking my safety is inextricably linked to the survival of the vessel – If I don’t stay fast, I will be the first and last to see this ship hit the bottom. This goes without saying you would never tie yourself; You would have me to do it for you, and then you’d tell me to stay – Maybe if I was lucky you’d ask me to go afterwards.

To hurt, and have no idea why, now that’s darkness – I was born in it.

12 thoughts on “No Matter What You Do

  1. Dana Renee says:

    That last sentence summarizes what I’ve attempted to say in hundreds of different ways.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. realophile says:

    amen to your final statement. a sad, hollow “amen” of recognition. born to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. realophile says:

    born in it. yes. amen.

    a sad, hollow “amen” of recognition.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I appreciate it – I truly do


  5. itsvishakha says:

    “To hurt, and have no idea why, now that’s darkness – I was born in it”
    This is something everyone goes through, and you have managed to express it in simply beautiful way!!!
    You can go deep using simple words hat’s off!!


  6. yangmuffins says:

    I really admire how you descriptive you are. Amazing wordsmith!

    Liked by 1 person

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