“I felt very tired and vague in the head.” – Ernest Hemingway, from A Farewell To Arms
Have I been there? Of course, you know I’m well traveled for where I started out. Looking about, I began to wonder if all this hadn’t just been a long lasting dream in need of closure; In need of a stark grip on the rope of reality, you know that realization and acceptance that the ideals are far off, and all you can do is work to bring them closer to someone else. The end was never meant for me, I’m just a point along the map for the next day.
You see, I more often than not pour myself something strong. No, I don’t think I need it, I don’t feel like I need it – But I have this theory: As we go on we fill up, we fill up our infinite vessel, and experience it both as filling, filled, and not filled enough. Sometimes we are filled, and in order to really feel we require a lot more because quite honestly we are experiencing dilution; Overburdened perhaps, cloudy, in need of a great reflection and a massaging of our mental cosmos.
It is a great task to become
The problem was becoming for anything else! At times we feel the fabric of it all ready to break. You want to become for something else, but her selflessness taught me that my selfishness was necessary – To do away with it would do away with my own vessel. Yes, I said her selflessness, although we know better, it was the lack there of that taught me about my own short comings. I learned, it took me many lessons, but I did begin to break from the dirt and towards the fire.