The Arts To The Last Drop

Look at this! The blood is pouring out. I’m red all over – Red all over.

All this beautiful red, don’t clean it up! Dam I’ll use it still, I will

I’ll smear it here, and if I can still stand I’ll get it all over your counter.

Wouldn’t you like that? This has to be, can’t stop till I’m empty.

I’ve got this drive I can’t wind down, so I quiet it by getting out of town

Yes here, this is how I’ll go, death to an artist hungry no more.

I’ve ate my fair share of you, of the earth, and all its miraculous hues

I never rest, my heart was built for this – that’s why it seethes

You hear me quiet but inside I’m writing you a scene no one’s seen before

What is this?

I’m gasping and it’s not a kiss

I can’t fill my lungs, catch up, catch up,

I’ve made it to the counter. I’ve covered you in red flowers

And now I see what’s going on, the world is bloody exhausted of my fire

I’ll lay down!

I’m already on the cold ground.

I think my fire has backdrafted as I inhale

All this red and I astonish as I think perhaps I have fallen ill

A mind turns to fill, I am art, this is nowhere near rational

Only A Frame

The hardest part is that I’ll never get to see the full masterpieces all these moments I’ve shared are adding up to – I get so intoxicated, so wildly enthralled in what is being created, but I don’t get to stick around for the long exposure, for all the layers, for all the edits and additions. All this time I’ve learned, it’s the right things always at the wrong times. It’s rushed, I’m moving too fast

Timing is everything

The fucking trees know this from the minute they feel the second warm touch after winter.

They fucking know as they begin to change, and we only know after we marvel at their colors.

They fucking know it, you fucking know

If you’re reading this it’s too late

There Was Something I Wanted To Do

There are a lot of things I want to say, things I know [you] aren’t ready for. I’ve spoken in haste before – It was not pretty.

And look at you all with your fingers. Must you point any more to something other than your own. A cacophony of macaws losing their heads like the music has stopped and I’m the last one standing. I will keep mine on right, and note your terrible acting. I have to trust what I do; You can have your doubts, but I don’t need to go any further on that. Do not proceed to speak on what I meant by that to others either. I don’t deal in lies, nor the contempt they breed.

You know how I go for danger, the risk of something going to hell and the potential to be enough; It gets my blood fucking hotter than, well let’s just say hotter than a seat at the bar down with the devil. And you know how hot that seat is baby. Yes let’s not pretend. I should pause here. Yes. I will stop here. I really need to temper this patience. Maybe I’ll stop forever. Triumph, won’t you just get out of here while you still have your dignity? Disaster why do you always play the fool? You two, impostors, I will outwit the both of you!

Yes and here it is. I’ve got a few more things to pile on. Let me just put this right up here to finish the stacking; Perfect.
Now I’ll just take this heat and burn everything I know down to ash, It feels better to have nothing. It really does. When nothing becomes something, heck that feels smooth. Going back down if you can’t help it – Now that’s a bad trip. I’ll start over with not a rag in my stomach. After this you won’t hear another bit about it.

Me and death get along well, although he’s still trying to have that night cap with me; I just tell him some other time.
I know he won’t admit it, but he admires me – for all the times he’s held me close – I brought myself to his door, but unlike Faust I act before the final stroke! I tell him no matter how frail I seem in those moments, I will always have a strength greater than his grasp. I tell him even after I pass, he will not be able to remove the pen from my hand. You know I’d hold that sword so tight that even if my arm was severed my will would force my nerve and sinew to hold on! He chuckles always telling me I’m such a joker. I elbow him in the ribs – literally – and let him enjoy his ecstasy.

They’ve all been trying to kill me, the crowd. Throwing their filth and heckling the man, I am not disturbed. I have been dirty. I have been unrecognizable to myself. Now though I have found me, and I don’t much feel like getting lost in their havoctry.

Pardon me your majesty! Royal highness, you are dressed the finest – I’ll walk with you – but I do like to wear this more common thread which I know your wisdom can respect. A smile is enough to pretend. Let us now part great friends, and anytime you call on me I’ll pass along my earnest answer, for you like my enemies may share my bed.

Here we come to you, this unforgiving minute, what will we do. An hour is far too long, and anything less than eternity is not enough. Let’s settle for 60 seconds. I know, I know, it’s the same, it’s all semantics. For you I’ll give my all! I’ll fill you with my best effort. Now you may call me as you like, but I am my own and what I decide will be my sentence.

You know I’d try Romeo’s vial after Juliet’s ill fate just to see if she might have missed some – Women aren’t always better than men at finding things than they think they are.

When Was The Last Time I Was The Soft That Gets Things Done?

You never want to go back to sleep when you know she’s not coming with you. But you need it. You need the sleep. And she’ll be here with you when you wake up.

Here I am now watching this scene of perfection, whatever is turning in her fecund mind – I don’t know the meticulous workings – but I see it become beautiful music alive with hope and warmth. She decides she can’t play this one or that because she doesn’t play for people; I tell her I’m only one person. And I am only one, but I know when someone needs their space. It’s tough for me, music. It’s one of the things I can feel but can’t fully understand, yet. Maybe that’s why to me she is so incredibly captivating; I revere her with the same cosmic mystery that song has held in the minds of man since antiquity. She is a tune with an allure so strong I find the river rising, and like the Gift of the Nile, it has both the ability to destroy and create depending on what the great waters decide – Keeping my eyes wide, my ear to her earth, and my breath steady only ensures that I’ll be alive to sing when the waters come.

This is the part that stuck with me: Every time she rides that bicycle, when she goes to shift gears, she’ll think of me and my clumsy self sitting on her hardwood floor; hands black with the grease of exploration as I assure us both that I know what I’m doing. She laughs and I laugh. “I think that’s good,” I say with a wink. She moves to me and puts her hands in my hair. I don’t remember what she said, but it was probably something of gratitude. I don’t remember because I didn’t need words to know. No one disagrees that a thank you goes a long way, but she had something more, and it stuck with me; I still feel it as I imagine her changing gears with a smile – It did turn out good.

I don’t want to write about her in the past tense, so it must be the present participle since it is hard to deny her happening. She is taking place and unfolding with ecstatic curiosity like the flower that has well spent its’ time and effort as the bud – Blossom and open up. She is the perpetual expanding of nature in its’ unmarred soul, stronger than ever after all the winter frosts have tried to impede and steal away that spirit.

I remind again and again that I must remain vigilant, growing and breathing deep so I don’t lose the ground out from under me, so that I can meet the howling winds of erosion and speak sternly.

Quotes for Quenching – 29 – The Act

“Human beings are by nature actors, who cannot become something until first they have pretended to be it. They are therefore not to be divided into the hypocritical and the sincere, but into the sane, who know they are acting, and the mad who do not.” – W. H. Auden.

Remember: Beneath the surface is calm, it is in line; because the act is all there is. Whatever is projected, is put forth, is everything.

It becomes a multifaceted endeavor. Not what you are capable of, but what are you willing to risk, to know, to forget, to lose, to discover. Would you wager your sanity – If that could even be said to be had? We are actors first. Before we were anything we had to conceive of it, and thus think it before we became. And now the question is do you want funny?

Let’s be serious. Oh, that isn’t humor. A few moments of silence start running through your head. Now you want to get loud. You start questioning the method. Self doubt will tear you apart. Do you have anything in you at all? Does that question scare you? Forget fear so I can ask the only thing that matters: Can you stand the act? Because if you can’t – You do not have to stay. You can leave at any time. And I don’t mean stand up and walk out, so know this: You have to be one person when you wake up in the morning. And this is the act.

The hand that shook yesterday does no more.

Reading You

Does time passing have you contemplating? Are you amazed as much as me?

And all this had passed – Telling you stories, opening up and giving you all the things I could, looking to share a smile, and spend time; I finally understood what had been taking place all along. You’ve been with me now since this started, since you began to know me. Yes, I’ve said it before, and I say it now – You know me. And I suppose I could have arrived to this point much sooner, but I still believe anything worth doing takes the time; takes the focus and energy of many days. Even now as I read you along to this point upon which we converge, I draw my breaths slow and steady because I think a patient and unhurried delivery is due. To who am I writing? To who was all this meant for? Who would find this delivered to them coiled in an evolving script, in the company of countless stamps – Well it’s you.

There is more – There is always more

Quotes for Quenching 28

“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.”

Well isn’t this just the place to be right now. I’ve got a lighter that doesn’t work, and nothing to burn anyways so there isn’t any reason to be worried about bad habits. He laughed and decided to play a real slow tune that turned real introspective. At about this time she walked in. Up until this point, you’ve all been biting your tongue about how this all started, where it all began. Well my memory is corrupt with dreams, and the records were never kept well so I can’t tell you with complete honesty. This may be a good place to mark as one of the beginnings though

Have you ever thought where did the time go?
Have you claimed there was no way that was only ten minutes?
Swore more than a quarter, more than a half had passed?
Yet here you are scratching your head like time has stood still.
And all the while you freeze, whoever has done it is staring up at you.
This is not magic, but it is weird – As soon as you move to act
It becomes divine comedy
You want it to slow back down to a crawl,
but it speeds ahead faster than you can register.
You’ve had your first laugh, your last kiss,
and everything in between all in the span of a drink – or was it two?

And let me guess Mr. … You’re a salesman.
Hardly do I want to sell you anything
A humanitarian?
Don’t rope me in with them.
You don’t want the best for people?
Depends on what people you’re referring to.
The two persons engaged in exchange.
And what is it we happen to be exchanging?
Well it certainly isn’t possessions or the local currency.
Then smiles it is.
You want to make me laugh don’t you?
I wouldn’t say I want to make you do a thing.
But you would like to see me enjoying myself.
I think that would be something I could get behind
Good. It was nice speaking with you, sir, I hope you have a grand evening.
Wait,  where are you going?
Are you trying to follow me? She smiled and turned to go.
No, I just wasn’t expecting –
Anything. You shouldn’t expect anything.
I shouldn’t expect anything you’re absolutely right

The barkeep smirked as our focus watched her leave the place.
Our man turned back to the bar and decided it was time to part.
So soon? asked the keeper. So soon? The night must be at end!
You only got here at half passed six. Half passed six it’s nearly..
Well would you look at that – A peculiar occurrence has taken me.

My watch stopped. “He cheated again,” said the man in the gallery.

Quotes for Quenching – 27 – On Daring

“For me, exploration was a personal venture.
I did not go to the Arabian Desert to collect plants nor to make a map;
such things were incidental. At heart I knew that to write or even to talk of
my travels was to tarnish the achievement.
I went there to find peace in the hardship of desert travel and
the company of desert peoples…It is not the goal but the way there that matters,
and the harder the way the more worthwhile the journey.” —Wilfred Thesiger

I won’t speak of the things I’m doing – I’ll leave it at a few deep breaths.
Much adversity lies ahead, and that’s okay because I’ve got a good head.

Savoir faire – This is me. I can produce what you need in any occasion.
You need a story to lift your spirits higher than what you’re drinking?
I will go into the heart of darkness to retrieve it from the maws of chaos.
Not far enough for you? Not daring enough? I will close my eyes
And walk across the universe – When I return I’ll tell you what I saw.

I know that eudemonia lies in wait at the end of this heady path,
Sometimes we’re going forward, other times around and then back;
No worries we’re going exactly where we must to carve our way.
Pick up your andreia; Polish it, you’ll wear it with your chest proud.
Do not run from what you know is true in your heart,
do not hide what you know with what you feel – This is sin qua non!
Keep desire in step with thumos – To the best of your skill let them run.

Well Balanced Between the Two Poles – A Good Place to Lay

I know you’ve been looking. This is human nature, you are nature

I’m always getting mixed up and finding myself on the second floor – The first is where all the magic happened to get carried away; Before anyone registers it, we’ve already walked halfway up the stairs, and no names have been spoken. It’s a few heavy breaths as sweat travels down the bridge of your nose and splashes on her cheek. No one wants to be vulnerable, no one wants to show their whole hand, until everything is going over the edge and your running out of grip to pull – You know that feeling of being out of time? You look at the clock once or twice and admit, there is no more to run out the hourglass for this one. It’s okay to take time to break; Give it a rest, and when you are bottomless turn it over and have another go.

I’ll lay quiet, it’s always quiet – I do declare, a sacred grove;
In which to grow; a well intentioned spot to sow these seeds,
Of all my intelligences that have yet to bear fruits to reality
From dirt to lead, from lead to gold, from gold to flourishing forest.
There comes a time in every lull to give voice to break the silence.

You want to be the Willow, but today you must be the Oak – In time you will be the Redwood

Wine Is Like A Tide Upon The Shore, and So Are We

Wine hits the tongue like waves on the shore,
Some crash harder than others when they strike our senses.

It was a very gorgeous taste; As if the wine had been cultivated to sit comfortably in the crevices around the buds – To give you that smooth warmth; Trained to sweetly kiss your palette after the right amount of milliseconds passed, and then jolt you back with a bite before dissolving with your enzymes. That’s not where you let it settle into you though. It was the way it paired with her laugh, her electric cool. Together they sat with you like the question, “How long can you hold a flavor on the tongue before you must have it again?” When the bottle was empty, seconds ticked by and no matter how resolved of an attempt of will to remain, regardless of all the repose in the world, it faded to dust – It’s like the feeling you get when the Sun comes up and you don’t quite recall falling to sleep or even going home – Not that it disturbs you, but you can’t help but feel a tad haunted by the whole experience.

Storms stir and calm, often reshaping the entire face of a coastline.
I like the way you dance between the two subjects effortlessly.

I had found another bottle years later; Or maybe I had saved one if ever there was an occasion; Whatever the case, I never got another drop. That evening I had been carrying it with me in my overnight – A few other drinks loosed my focus – When I dropped my duffel I heard it shatter. In disbelief, I reached in and ended up pulling out a few cuts. Seeing it all soaked into my favorite clothes, I laughed and thought it appropriate that at least something close to me got to get intimate with that beauty once more. I could have rushed to take one last sip from the jagged remnants of the bottle. I could have wrung some out of a sweater, surely enough to stretch myself across those memories one last time. I didn’t. I poured myself something harsher, maybe one of those small batch whiskey’s I once liked. I reasoned it better to keep in line with reality than chase ghosts. Time kept running so I had another. In my head I drifted across the water. So this is why they call it spirits.

To really taste something is to take a profound dive into your own fire