You Have Urges; Hear Your Nature Out

I put my arms down,
and that’s when I lost the fight.
I as a warrior, thought there was no need to go to battle,
And my will for such endeavors had faded.
My arms at my side, no blood flowed.
No blood recalled the waft of early morning air across the open fields,
Just as sunlight struck its’ first blow to the night;
The first and only that would prove to maim for a time.
I had given up everything my childish curiosity had howled for!
Isn’t it ugly how quickly we forget?
Swept up at the rivers edge,
Desire that eternal fight, a reach for things we may never have;
A guide to things we never knew.

I looked down at how far I had climbed, and with resignation began to prepare for the descent. This rise had been everything, I had hedged it all upon staking the summit. Once more I reluctantly laughed to myself, the foolishness. Why I play riddles with my wisdom I can’t say, but after some brief attempts to delude myself, I’ve closed my eyes, and pivoted 180 degrees. Right back down the face of the cliff I worked so strenuously to scale, one step at a time back into the ravine I had first made preparations from. The great vision I sought was far off, but at least I now knew that I would be going along a much more agreeable vector. Perhaps I’d drop back into Hell for a wild time, before I’d go for anymore of the solitude I’d be sure to find. Yes, I think of one I’d like to call for a meeting at the gates! Stand before me, and call yourself what you will; Your scent, I smell, will tell me with whom I deal. And the moniker which I belt, friend, will seal it.

I put my arms down,
And for once the ceiling didn’t fall with them.
All this time I had been afraid to let go,
Claiming without a shadow of a doubt, I had no fear.

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My Tongue Has Been So Bored

Pienso en ti,
Je serais un menteur de dire que je ne sais pas pourquoi
Een beetje van mij verloren, sleept de rest langs
Someone once taught me;

thân ái

in Vietnamese
It wasn’t very useful on it’s own you see.
So I moved along and picked up my feet

Down closer to the ground
I met a little voice that called me sweet

Ella me recordó que mi lengua podría cambiar
Hay razones por qué las personas se llaman
cosas como el sol y las estrellas.
Que la luna puede ser realmente la vida.
Que algunas personas son todos los cielos

Why I ever put that shot of whiskey down is beyond me.
Oh right, because it was tequila and I was way too funny.

Creo que voy a aprender la lengua un poco,
para ver si era usted o yo – Si la otra parte tiene un sabor diferente
Pasé todo el día el aprendizaje del francés,
así que podría usar esa segunda línea.
No soy grande en sonido.
Crecerá en mí – Al igual que todas las palabras hacen

I guess kissing your language is the closest I can come to understanding the thoughts in your head

So to myself I whisper:
Canta y no llores,
Porque cantando se alegran,
cielito lindo, los corazones.
Which puts me at odds because I’m just whispering
I guess my favorite part was pretending I had no idea what they were talking about

 

 

 

 

 

————————————-

I think about you,
I’d be a liar to say I don’t know why
A little bit of me lost, the rest drags along

 

From A Familiar Place

Nothing saddens and scares people like the thought that they can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in their eyes.

Things that say a lot about people:

  • The way in which they treat the waiter/waitress
  • How they feel about the weather
  • How they treat books
  • Fingernails
  • Hands in general
  • Their preferred creative outlet
  • If they consider the affect they have on others in their environment
  • How much they dread/enjoy talking on the phone
  • Whether they like their picture taken
  • Do they look to improve their food if it’s off?
  • Whether or not they drink coffee
  • How hot they like their food
  • How honest they are with themselves, and with others
  • If they look for correct grammar
  • How they treat their parents and siblings
  • The first things they do when they wake up
  • The way they greet people they are uncomfortable around
  • The amount they discuss other people’s issues
  • Whether they like flowers or not
  • How dark they like their chocolate
  • Their favorite outfit
  • Their favorite thing in general
  • Their preferred outing
  • The way they look at themselves in the mirror

I’ve seen a lot of days, and boy this sure is one

We went to bed that night and dreamed of better things,
Some devils, some gods, and I;
I came up with some alright considerations.
I can’t say I had them convinced,
but I’m not after their approval.
I make my choices after all.

Being a knight means everything, but I don’t
let it define me. When it’s time to go to work,
I’m who I need to be.
The rest of the time, I’m just me.

 

Somethings Are Too Much To Title

Darling I, I think about you. Darling, I do, and it’s blown me over once or twice
Darling I think about you when you’re not around, and it really gets my head going round. Darling I don’t know how to welcome you to this place. I say come get drunk with me when the night gets dark, running, let’s run out time – bleed out the clock and watch the stars laugh and cry as we lay beneath these lifelong lies – Ain’t you heard? What you see up there is no longer the truth! Long ago they have burned out for all we know. Look at me, yeah I think that even the silence is dying to speak. And if I would stop drinking it up, it might teach me how to talk about the important things – With clarity.
Imagine these possibilities! What if we could go back? Peruse the shelves of history; If you could pluck one book from the fires, which would be your favorite? Tell me of the tale you’ve got buried in your chest; I know silence isn’t the only one dying to hear it. Because the stories don’t die with their pages.

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was get up from your bed knowing I had made the decision that I would would never lay in it again.

It hurt laying there trying to reconcile what hope I felt with the truth of what I’d known. I looked out the window like I had so many times only this time I wasn’t contemplating how to tell you the things I felt, but how I’d now remember only the cold realization of sleeping at the other end. My head pushed up against the bars, my leg falling off the edge, this was you pushing me out without saying it, without pulling the rug out from under me. How could I ever return after a night like this? Only a masochistic fool could do it. Of course you are not to blame – None of this was what you wanted – You needed space and I just showed up because I couldn’t let things go on like a mangled cat. As the sun rose on my final stay, I soaked a few tears into a sweater you lent me at the end of the bed. I thought maybe when you go to do laundry in some weeks or when you were looking for something clean to wear you’d give it a smell and the scent of me might repulse you. Maybe it would bring you somewhere warm one more time instead. I know how you get cold sometimes and you don’t mean it; The temperature simply changes so fast and out of control, but you still like to be warm enough. I hung onto the idea of staying. I smiled thinking you might embrace me when you woke up a little behind schedule and how you’d be happy I was there, but I guess that’s more of the fool in me. This was it. I had my choice to make and it wouldn’t change a thing. The choice of leaving now was mine and mine alone, every other moment would be owned by you. If I waited too long you might even see me go, or wake up as I was walking out and I’d say I’m going to the bathroom. You’d smile like you do with your hair all over and put your head back down. One last time I’d look at you asleep, imagine the memories in this space and I’d smile back. Instead of returning I’d really just creep down the stairs, take a look around to make sure I didn’t leave behind any part of me that might haunt you and go. Oh but the piano. It catches my eye and I remember the times you’ve played. Easy ones you’d tell me, and I’d wish you would play again. All again, and I think maybe if I go back up there now I can still sneak back into the bed and shrug off whatever sadness awaits in earnest hope that I might be able to convince you to play once more, not for me, but for your memory,  so that the last key I think of isn’t that I should listen to beautiful women when they tell me they don’t want something serious. 

That’s it. The first rays are coming in now to illuminate your mistakes. You’re still here to see them touch down on her face and hear how it’s too bright to sleep. Hold your breath, you don’t want the last memories to have anything to do with disturbing her.

You wake up and I decide I must go. I really can’t stay, but you grab for me and motion that I lay. Which I do because I know my emotions want one last time, what could one last time hurt? And it doesn’t. It doesn’t hurt, because I imagine for a moment that I’m back at the start, and I’ve got your attention. And you’re asking me questions which I have answers to. And you light up when you see me, you want my kiss. And I want to give you 639 of them. I shake free of the daydream and return to the reality. You pull my arm around you, and like I’ve never had any control over my own body it goes as you request. I can’t help but feel empty, a soldier used up, and on the way out. I’m a fool for being here. I knew for a while this was the only reality, but I’m real bad at ignoring what I feel.  I wasn’t really surprised, It was only ever a question of when.

Great people give us two things – Happiness & sadness.

I only ever gave one fuck,
And one fuck’s way too much,
Unless you’re talking bout us

The Magicks Don’t Go Quietly

I’ve been plagued – An illness runs deep in us all
It often feels like I’m being swallowed by an overwhelming lack of air
I forget to breathe, but even when I remember;
There isn’t enough for me to snatch up

None of us want to be this way…
We didn’t cry out to the world with our first gasp asking for it – No,
The magic runs deep, and no one teaches us how to channel it.
It’s there in womb, in your cells at the instant of your conception.

How do I know? I don’t have to know, it’s a feeling, and you feel it.
I don’t want it! I don’t want to go where it leads me.
Oh but child it is not leading you anywhere
You are the one lost; Not going where you feel yourself propelled towards.
All your essence moves where you desire, yet you have stayed here
How terrible it must feel to be torn from the inside out
by nothing other than your own unrealized beauty trapped within

I will cast it out, I know I have the heart to find the wild!
How did it become so dim, why did I blame the whispers on wind

It’s not something you cast out
This is something you unleash.

Hekas Hekas este bebeloi

Who knows how to heal better than the one who has most intimately wielded destruction
Further, who knows best how to destroy than the one who has healed the most devastating of wounds.

What the fuck is it you’re doing? I’m drawing the line to be crossed right now, I dare you. Are you going to cross? I’m wrought from the risks I’ve taken. If you don’t have it in you, then hold your breath.

It’s almost piss sad how long you have. You do everything your brain commands. I bet getting out of bed is difficult in the mornings.

They say only the good die young; We’ll outlive – Well at least I’ll outlive them all. I know what’s on your breath, I know what you have under your bridge; The arch in your back I slip my hand under doesn’t need support, but this damn touch may sap your keystone’s integrity – Is it not erosion that brings us all back to the soil? It’s not my intention to pull the will from you; You earned your strength, you’ve built your own temple, and it’s magnificence has nothing to do with me.

I know you’re sad
I know you’re sad
You know you’re safe
We’re all gonna be okay
[Goddamn]goddess you’re so good.
I’m asking you to misbehave
Don’t like my women tame,
[Who does anyways?]
Yeah girl misbehave
Yeah girl show your fangs
Yeah girl get your way.
I’m all yours, now walk away.

Girl you’re so selfish,
You’re so greedy, took out a life insurance policy
So you could blast me, watch me bleed,
I know you’ll keep those eyes on me
I’m not worried, I’m just on some things that I’ve been feelin’
I know that all along I’ve been the villain
And this is the part in the plot that will make you kill me

The movies don’t tell you about the things you think about on the way down,
They don’t get that part in the film, and I think it’s everything missing –
They can’t show what’s going down inside

I never thought you’d be the one to shoot me; I guess point blank was the only way I’d go.

The Crimes Committed

I wonder if I’ll ever be sorry for the crimes I’ve committed

History repeats itself, so I’m waiting patiently for you to tell me again, tell me again,
I let a few things trail off, I let a few things get covered in dust, and this jouska
I know exactly where things were left though, the vellichor of the place is to die for.

What were you telling me again?
What a thing I have come to desire
Warm turbulence and lack of breathing
Where have all the long nights gone?
The sun seems to show up a minute earlier
And I haven’t quite found my way to rest

The pages hold something dear, to me,
You have got to release before too late
Or the plot ends up stale;
I mean are you even interested in your own unraveling?
Let’s back it up, you back that up,
Let’s put our magicks to each line not once, but twice;
I want to bring the hairs on your skin to a raise

I’m not one for covering everything up,
Ask me and I’ll pour into your lap,
the colors I’ve been seeing in for a time;
I guess there are differences in how some taste too.

It’s such a wild sense, it’s what really drags us to bed
It’s what really everything is going on about,
If you couldn’t taste the tinge, if you couldn’t taste the flow,
Then explain to me why your mouth is open

Don’t shut it now,
We’ve just begun to catch the sweet whispers of flush in your cheeks
Such a sensuous delivery of rosé hips
Let me take a few more sips,
Adjust the captain’s seat and take a dip
Right about now you couldn’t climb much high-on top-higher now that’s height
You twinkling star-Let me say you are sunsational, invincible, bright
Gods can’t help but wonder if they are the ones who’re afraid to die

I think I might

Just one last excuse to keep on stopping by,
I’ll prop you up, when you need, I’m your guy

Don’t wear yourself out, I know my edges are rough