I see photos with remarkable composure and draw, I see smiles on the faces of those in her closest circle, I read extremely well written words with impact. I sit in wonderment more times a month than I imagined would occur over the years
I even edited her magazine once. I can dig the email up if I need some type of solid evidence. I do the things I do, and still could never imagine putting together that electric fashion show of a life she calls her day to day.
I want every line to have a purpose, there are no strays here, only intent.
It has been so long,
you’re so young,
But I’ve heard deep things
Come and dip your feet in
Che la mia ferita sia mortale – may all your wounds be mortal
“You want to learn how chill a person really is? Put them in a 90 degree room with full humidity. That’s when you’ll know how cool they can keep it.” – How To Kill A Salesman, IV.
They have this technique used to purify gold where it’s plunged deep into a furnace, a hell of sorts – Burns away all impurities, leaving behind only the gold which the individual was seeking. That day we all sat there I couldn’t help but notice the similarity to purification. Everyone was very excited although they had no idea what we were doing there. I did my best to record the vital observations in the room. She was quiet, very quiet, but I knew inside it was loud, that type of loud where she was probably concerned about what I was thinking.
So much comes at you fast, I understood her silence – I didn’t know how to make my internal dialogue known back then; I just kept cool. I was too cool. I didn’t notice the raise in temperature. She broke, she lashed out, and who could blame her in all that heat; Yet, she still kept it mint. I swear the others in the room couldn’t shut the fuck up for a bloody minute if there had been gags in their mouths; What they had to say was of no importance. She vocalized, and I remember crystal clear, “Just not right now, it’s too hot, and I’m sorry.”
When? Why was she sorry? Why did she have to be so strong? It made me wonder, did she want to stand alone, did she know that she’d have to? Did she know what shone beneath it all?