When you wake up, it isn’t what it was the night or day before.
Leave me, leave me, leave me – We’ve been nothing but trouble.
Counter views, and frame colliding perspectives, now empathy.
“I feel a sudden clear focus and perspective. There is no time for anything inessential. I must focus on myself, my work and my friends.” – Oliver Sacks
People will lie in this life to make it easier for themselves
You can’t blame them because they lie to themselves too.
But the bare blunt truth? You don’t do it for me. That’s it.
There is no lie, nothing hidden in it. You just don’t work.
It is an insurmountable ledge, you must wrestle up onto.
Go ahead and get struggling. Most everyone will suffer it.
Swallow. Again.
It’s okay. Just accept that yours is a different happiness;
Different than what you are seeking. You know the truth.
She asked me to recite something then and there,
but on the spot I couldn’t.
She’s got dreams that make me question my own. Nursing and mechanics, she wants to fix people and their cars! I laughed and said, wait hold on – Yes when they get in a car accident they can just come to me, and I’ll fix everything.
She’ll fix everything. I believe her and it takes no convincing. This wasn’t one side against the other, it was a confession like conversation – we both had things to say.
18 years she’s lived here, and 24 definitely looks good on her. She shows me everything, and asks my thoughts on her ideas for what she wants. I have no place to tell her something other than what she feels so I say do as you please, who am I to say otherwise about what you feel, I won’t invalidate how you feel about yourself.
She tells me men have paid $2000 just to kiss her knees, and I kiss her knees. And that some pay just to talk to her, and I talk to her. She tells me men offer to change her life, and I tell her I can’t change her life-I could, I say-but it would be a perspective-no fools gold-only honesty.
She dances and I mouth her name. It’s a name I didn’t dare say out loud after I asked the first time to make sure I pronounced it right. She asks me what I’m into, but I know this isn’t the place or time. Time is expensive, and I really have to get going soon.
She commented on my jacket, that she loved it – I wasn’t sure how to play it so I just agreed and said, “High fashion. I’m sure someone paid a lot for it.” She laughed honestly, and I took a sip of champagne-although I doubt it was from the Champagne region of France, even at the steep price.
Touch? Are you into touch? – Touch? I think we are touching right now.
What are you doing later? Looking for the next thing.
No, what are you doing later?
I couldn’t help but imagine I’d be so wild. Probably finding a place to eat-No, what are you doing later?
Well I do hope that you’re free later to discuss it with me in person.
And at that moment I wondered what the hell was broken in me. How could I find a way to justify needing her services? Sure I wanted them, but I’ve told you this already that wants are never needs.
I told her to find me later, she said she would find me later.
As I sat there reading through my thoughts of where I had been, I was joined by a friendly character. She too loved my jacket, and spoke of how great our mutual friend was. I asked her where she was from, and Colombia seemed to be the answer-We got into the ways of things that most people don’t discuss, and I admitted she was someone spectacular- Where we were was nice, but she could do much better-Roars of laughter ensued, we spilled my champagne, and we laughed more. Talk was going around, and after ours, she liked me even more. She liked me even more now-A repeated phrase throughout. She asked for the time, and I replied that she had better get going; time is money after all.
I wouldn’t say I waited, but I hung around for a while – It helped me ease the disappointment out over a bit more, and I wanted that.
Do you really want to hold onto it? Is this the thing you choose?
Life will only allow you to fight for a handful.
That’s all you’ll ever grab.
The problem with wanting to hold onto something is that someone can take it.
It doesn’t matter how much time or energy you spend fighting tirelessly – as soon as you shut your eyes, turn your head even, they will come and relieve you. No sooner have they done this, and they are back to the streets looting the rest of the world.
The reason we take is because we can only hold so long – We can only hold so much.
And then we put it all down in one of the ways things leave our space, to take again.
She was soft, the kind that made me see a whole other world outside my own. It was dividing though, because it pissed me off sometimes too.
No owl, I wasnt pissed. I was challenged. I was charging my head against a wall that I couldn’t break down with my brute perseverance. A soft wall that absorbs the force of my mental efforts. My annoyance was a sign of my willingness to reach deep for calm, to find deeper soil I could stick my hands into and root. I wonder if vesuvias learned anything about himself the last time he let obtuseness get the best of him. All those innocents, all that beauty… Just because he couldn’t open his eyes and see the fertile soils. But that’s just the way we turn over. How many others might have blown the same fuse had they not lived in the time of pompei?
And yet I have. Learning first hand is just so much more exhilarating, and efficient. As much as 14% learn from their own mistakes compared to the 3% who learn at all from others–And perhaps pulled from it aptitude to work smarter.
Mordrid, Mordrid, boy – There are some things in life that can not be made up. Alibis are not one of those things. — Lessons from Vesuvias and the other yous.
I got the juice, I got the juice, taste it — drink it, tell me you ain’t thirsty too, tell me you ain’t got wounds! Drink this and watch it all pour through, flows have always been my swoon, ohhhh you never tasted clarity, fizz, bite on your tongue — BOOM
Who is anyone to tell you this. Any can only say what it means for them. If it moves you enough, to some sense of reason or heart in you, then you will find the gravity to what is presented – It will lay upon you, in layers of sheets, or weight dead, and you will be comfortable with this. If you can’t stand the idea of it sinking into you deeply, then whatever it means, is not meant for you. At least not at the time. But if that bothers you, then perhaps it is meant for you now. The discomfort is truth discerning as it should.
Slowly we will come into the water, and we shall retire from this beach.
I say it’s all been a vacation, but there was work involved – Still reality must star again, take the stage from under us, as the act ends.
This flower has called the wings in, and they come and collect all the sweet things. It’d be so boring without decay. If kings never died, none of us would ever get on. And I couldn’t imagine getting off anywhere that train stops. Could you imagine? A deep breath, and I’m not waiting for the answer. With this one, we may melt the crown down. Turn it into a couple of forks, to give some fucking utility to the old chap.It would be a shame to be so golden, and never have done a thing to earn it.
Are your feet used to the cool yet? You’ve been babying the swim for a minute now. I said slowly, but are you that sloth, are you that demure? I’ve seen you leap off cliffs, water way below, but with your face only a foot length off the temperature frightens.
Strode the entire life of it backed off the throttle, hardly could any have enjoyed what came after ignition. But a king doesn’t have the same vision as the prince, or even the conqueror.You see the prince has dreams, and if he is any worthy salt, he will live for them. He will not cower once he gets his first taste of satisfaction. The same can’t be said of the throne. No king lived without fears of loss. Something to lose in the mind, and it cripples.
It’s the ones who lose and bounce back that are conquerors. They stand with a mouth full of blood and look to take their next. Whether it is a swing, a step or a bite! They will continue to move forward until their life comes to a halt. And when it is wrested from their steeled hands, they will return every last of it to the dirt.
A conqueror knows it is what they build that matters,
the path which they carve, not what they have or lose.
What is it?
Hold out your palm, Barely anything held.
Now put two together, cupping the water,
And you or I can drink as if from a vessel.
Pull back your hand, and something is lost.
Life is like this – Alone one can make do;
But two acting as one can do much more.
I am confident that the things I am doing will lead to a high peak, or perilous tragedy
I feel it, and wonder has it yet perforated my entire soul.
A best is that, yours or mine, best.
I wish I could have been better
Sometimes you just want selfishness
to take the last bit of air from you
and while you turn blue,
it apologizes that this time it won’t share.
I put my hands around you, I’ve got to get a handle on you
Nothing but respect, that’s all I do
So I don’t want to be seen sideways
When you look at me like I don’t make the sense that we’re talkin,
measure the cut, did I forget something?
Am I making you work too hard for me
You look tired. You look tired.
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
You look tired. You look tired.
She pulls me in all directions, I swear without her I’d be just a point
on a map
You look tired. You look tired.
It never really mattered too much to me. I don’t untangle your hair like I used to
You look tired. You look tired.
I was desiring, as the urge burned within me for a taste
Cutting on the board, orchestrate my heartbeat with her waving fingers, as she moves hair out of her face; The person I am when I’m with you, sans all the other shit;
Her whole world is so much richer than mine, The sounds I hear are not as textured nor do they go as deep. Maybe I’m too worried about the hideous monsters still drinking tea at my table; Admit I’m the fucking lightening!
Well darling it’s water again. Clear, transparent as your body kneeling before his. The thing about our actions is they are not solely our own; We, in this complicated prestige, take the role in a play. Some people are not capable of living with secrets, because they don’t know the ways of concealment. I have read your diary. I have written several of its passages. You have divulged sufficient soul and I can expound on it. And now the thing I must draw out, is how I should let it sink to the ocean floor. God wouldn’t that be a riot! I’d say come along for the fun, but I wouldnt want to get sidelined at my own send-off. You don’t want to dance with me anyways; I don’t think you’re my style. So I’m going to go slam some Hennesey, and move front ways back ways till I’m sure I’m taking the right one. Because choices in the dark are always the ones that we want.
Secrets really leave no mark, I can not say the same for wounds.
I’ve been lost and I’ve been high, and both of them have had me wondering why
We all just want to feel complete. We all just want to feel that in the end, we didn’t leave someone who was genuine with us high and dry; On the sand, to cook in the sun, where the waves of promise left us. We don’t want that for anyone.
Well what if this is the final resting point? Oh ask it again when your time is up. If you really want to get off here, then go ahead and do it fast! If you don’t want to keep going then don’t. The ride has places to get. I don’t need wavering convictions – I need only the man who will show up and stand through everything that tries to bury him. If this happens to be the final resting point, it will have to wait until I march my tried body back from where I’m taking it.
I’m trying not to leave much of this period. I don’t want to mar the history. I don’t want to give credence to all the dark suits. I really don’t want to ever admit my light dipped low.
I do suppose a surging light to bat back the vile could echo far out through the space of it all – Even if everything is only a flash
I promise there is something glimmering; faint as it might be, you’ll find it.
Dirty Window Pane Poetry - An Experiment 