My Tongue Has Been So Bored

Pienso en ti,
Je serais un menteur de dire que je ne sais pas pourquoi
Een beetje van mij verloren, sleept de rest langs
Someone once taught me;

thân ái

in Vietnamese
It wasn’t very useful on it’s own you see.
So I moved along and picked up my feet

Down closer to the ground
I met a little voice that called me sweet

Ella me recordó que mi lengua podría cambiar
Hay razones por qué las personas se llaman
cosas como el sol y las estrellas.
Que la luna puede ser realmente la vida.
Que algunas personas son todos los cielos

Why I ever put that shot of whiskey down is beyond me.
Oh right, because it was tequila and I was way too funny.

Creo que voy a aprender la lengua un poco,
para ver si era usted o yo – Si la otra parte tiene un sabor diferente
Pasé todo el día el aprendizaje del francés,
así que podría usar esa segunda línea.
No soy grande en sonido.
Crecerá en mí – Al igual que todas las palabras hacen

I guess kissing your language is the closest I can come to understanding the thoughts in your head

So to myself I whisper:
Canta y no llores,
Porque cantando se alegran,
cielito lindo, los corazones.
Which puts me at odds because I’m just whispering
I guess my favorite part was pretending I had no idea what they were talking about

 

 

 

 

 

————————————-

I think about you,
I’d be a liar to say I don’t know why
A little bit of me lost, the rest drags along

 

When The Calling Comes

The morning was brash, so brash that it shown in white or black, no mid tones. It hit like the hard drumming of blood flow through the body the day after an awful dive. Awoken, a voice echoes out into the wild expanse. Torn between geographies and conscience; You can never stay, you can only go. Call it whatever you please, but they flash and grab, the city lights won’t let you forget!

But who am I?
A devilish twist on comedy; Divine they say.
When they dim it’s a relief
I’ve been patient for the other six
but Heavens they are the deadly virtues, I ought not to wait
So I’ll go on ahead and expect them for dinner,
Unless they choose to fast, then perhaps Brunch tomorrow.
Should I be kept due to their nap or a stuck zipper I’ll have to take temperance and give them a word of kindness: I swear they get lost and forget their respect, so full of their own shadows
These righteous ones have always been the bother.

Are we there yet! I’m not surprised to hear complaints.
You should watch the tongue, how it dances will say a lot.
And how you speak in the quiet is a subtle spell to yourself!
There you go, catch a tune in your ear and become throned
This isn’t the seat you want, but it is a big stepping stone.

Little fairy mornings and bright starry nights,
So sweet to the taste bud, so stark to the mark,
Madness you call me, madness you adept pain
So perfected are you, I say I hardly feel a thing

It’s up to you if you want to take the risk of being stoned
If you’re asking me, I’d say the reward is the correct one

 

 

 

 

Well Balanced Between the Two Poles – A Good Place to Lay

I know you’ve been looking. This is human nature, you are nature

I’m always getting mixed up and finding myself on the second floor – The first is where all the magic happened to get carried away; Before anyone registers it, we’ve already walked halfway up the stairs, and no names have been spoken. It’s a few heavy breaths as sweat travels down the bridge of your nose and splashes on her cheek. No one wants to be vulnerable, no one wants to show their whole hand, until everything is going over the edge and your running out of grip to pull – You know that feeling of being out of time? You look at the clock once or twice and admit, there is no more to run out the hourglass for this one. It’s okay to take time to break; Give it a rest, and when you are bottomless turn it over and have another go.

I’ll lay quiet, it’s always quiet – I do declare, a sacred grove;
In which to grow; a well intentioned spot to sow these seeds,
Of all my intelligences that have yet to bear fruits to reality
From dirt to lead, from lead to gold, from gold to flourishing forest.
There comes a time in every lull to give voice to break the silence.

You want to be the Willow, but today you must be the Oak – In time you will be the Redwood

Wine Is Like A Tide Upon The Shore, and So Are We

Wine hits the tongue like waves on the shore,
Some crash harder than others when they strike our senses.

It was a very gorgeous taste; As if the wine had been cultivated to sit comfortably in the crevices around the buds – To give you that smooth warmth; Trained to sweetly kiss your palette after the right amount of milliseconds passed, and then jolt you back with a bite before dissolving with your enzymes. That’s not where you let it settle into you though. It was the way it paired with her laugh, her electric cool. Together they sat with you like the question, “How long can you hold a flavor on the tongue before you must have it again?” When the bottle was empty, seconds ticked by and no matter how resolved of an attempt of will to remain, regardless of all the repose in the world, it faded to dust – It’s like the feeling you get when the Sun comes up and you don’t quite recall falling to sleep or even going home – Not that it disturbs you, but you can’t help but feel a tad haunted by the whole experience.

Storms stir and calm, often reshaping the entire face of a coastline.
I like the way you dance between the two subjects effortlessly.

I had found another bottle years later; Or maybe I had saved one if ever there was an occasion; Whatever the case, I never got another drop. That evening I had been carrying it with me in my overnight – A few other drinks loosed my focus – When I dropped my duffel I heard it shatter. In disbelief, I reached in and ended up pulling out a few cuts. Seeing it all soaked into my favorite clothes, I laughed and thought it appropriate that at least something close to me got to get intimate with that beauty once more. I could have rushed to take one last sip from the jagged remnants of the bottle. I could have wrung some out of a sweater, surely enough to stretch myself across those memories one last time. I didn’t. I poured myself something harsher, maybe one of those small batch whiskey’s I once liked. I reasoned it better to keep in line with reality than chase ghosts. Time kept running so I had another. In my head I drifted across the water. So this is why they call it spirits.

To really taste something is to take a profound dive into your own fire

With Such A Scent How Could I Resist The Chase

I’d rather meet you in a place of your choosing, or accidentally in a field of wild flowers, matching the gradients of our souls.

Taste of these buds,
Blossoming in this warm winter,
Are you taking it slow?
Are you taking it slow?
How much do you want to know?
I’ve held wealths of gold – I didn’t know
Silly me – Just because it didn’t glow

Is this impressive? I’m not out to do that, I just live this way and it can’t be helped. I will either go up in a blaze that blitzes towards its own flame-out or dive into a hole so dark that light as far as we understand it will not escape that void.

You see me in this moment? I am me and that is what I find so freeing. That even in your light, with all your glorious rays, I am present honestly; My mind refuses to close its eye. I revere you, sacred, I do not keep you. I reveal all that I am palms open to you, yet this is not worship – And the laurels rest upon you to show me yours. Can you read my energy clearly? I’ve traveled a great distance to meet you here. It has taken all of me to be as water

Let me talk about all the things I’ll do to you,
The things only I could show you in this smile;
If a smile can even be procured at this point,
We’ll just have to wait and see what’s coming.

They Still Lost That Bet

I’m exhausted. I’m altering my style. I’m coming at you more fiercely, I’m more direct. I know to pull when it starts to get too heated – We know to breathe when we get too out of breath, but we don’t slow our pace – We don’t want air as much as we want to feel a genuine burn in our lungs; You just need some laughs shot into those veins. You don’t take breaks like you should, and I go right on without lunch. You do not look me in the eyes like those few times, fuck; If you ever did stop time it was when you were mesmerizing me with those gems – As for my ability – I managed to slow it down a few occasions by reaching out my hand to call you back to bed; Really the clock nearly stopped when we were nose to nose.

Can I be soft for a night?
May I melt into the sidewalk?
Would a laugh attack be alright?
Could I wipe cake on your cheeks if I’ll lick you clean?
I know you’d hate that, but it’s the lion in me!
I’m a loud roar, and the playfulness of a child we all need
I’m never too dangerous,
You know that about me.
I’ll take you to the edge,
and hold you over just so you can see it
Will I let you go over? Only if you ask me

She won’t look at you, & you know you don’t deserve closure; Not like the kind you’d get from her gaze where when she closes her eyes – After she looks away, Like the sealing of the garden of Eden – You’ll never find yourself to be a smiling memory on her mind. You’ll be random triggers; She’ll end up pulling; But she’s not afraid, we’ve nothing to lose. These things are ambiguous, like short term parking or, to be fair – If that is possible – The look she gives you as she leaves the library. Or maybe she doesn’t. We’re just people making up stories in our heads to tell ourselves as we lay down to bed. It’s really not that complex, if you can get your neck out above the weeds.

Yes, Step up to this next level,
You’re the goddess and deserve this view of the temple
The key is to keep your feet moving
Regardless of the situation your grit keeps your tempo
Do you think this is a good time?
Do you feel like this could be your first life coming so high?
You could sing all night for a breath of air.
Silence would be the last note on the score,
Tune so good everyone hits repeat though;
It’s absolutely rude of me to listen to you again after you go.

Do you want another example of how I don’t let anything rest in my head? I know the dangers of taking things too far, but I also know the reward for risking sanity – The danger of being too safe is eating far more potential than my forays into depths of the unknown – Everything is calculated. You’re calculating right now. Should you look up? Should you focus on the possibility that what you’re seeking is directly before you? Or do you keep it on your mind while restricting where you stare off into the distance; Fearful that you might have to confront something your eyes land upon – It’s costly to live; You will always have nothing, giving everything each day; I told you before what Euler proved right? Do you know how much effort I have to exert to get crystal clear ice for these drinks? Not all that much if I take the time to use the right tools. Everything is about using the right tools for the task at hand; That is if your skill is lacking. You know that skilled individuals can accomplish more with less – So what are you waiting for?

The sky was so big it broke my soul,
Reached to hold hands, and I turned into an ocean;
Became part of what I knew I was,
So vast but we still fit inside the only cup

I know you’ve been waiting and it’s hard to keep up with how careful I’m being – With how I may or may not be acting. You should do whatever you want, this is your vigil. It will be your last breath after all. I know you; It’s hard to feed yourself; So much is hard to swallow. The quiet has its lulls. You have your lulls, when you let yourself collapse. Have you ever burned a forest? Have you ever built up that friction amongst the tinders of your soul and blew gently with your heart’s weepings to set everything at your back, everything that lays before you to waste so you might pull from the last smoldering cache; like a slow birth, one agonizing shriek at the singeing of your finger tips as you reach in accepting the charring of your palms, to rip from that mess of ash the last ember; The reason we burn our forests

You know your worth is more than my lost wings.
I did not cut them off for you;
But the gods still lost that bet on what I wouldn’t do.

I Know I’ve Been A Little Distant – I Put A Field Between Us

If you look up just for a minute you’ll melt the reach away.

I should warn you that it is quite a step more than that. You know how I get when I want things to challenge the conventions a bit. I thought about planting a few rose bushes next to the pumpkins and squash, but they drink so much. You don’t drink enough. Your roots are deep, I know you’ve been looking for this water. Come on I’ve filled up these buckets; This fresh water for your blooming – It’s all for you. Just cross this field. You just have to uproot yourself – Don’t be stuck; The Honey bees are waiting on your blossoms.

I wanted to get you flowers, but they take time to grow.
What I want shouldn’t be a weight around your neck,
I will wait for you to sprout again after the long winter,
I know the roots you’ve built will grow strong and robust.
Continue to bathe in this rain and you will open wide up
Soak in this sunshine and you will again shine bright
I’ll keep the noise down, I won’t rustle around too much

I know the field is dry, but we don’t need to be completely satiated from the start – It’s always much more enticing to be seeking something, to be fine, but able to hold a drink; This world is worth sharing a drink, right? It’s exact, how much I’ve mulled this over, I’ve muddled the berries just enough to get that sweet taste your tongue craves. This is not something they teach you. It is individual to your colors. You’re doing something here that no one else will be able to paint; Heavens, they’ll be jealous of everything if they try to come close to this. You know how that fairy kept you up all night – You just wanted a drink, a clean cut of cool to slide down your throat, and perhaps a drop you didn’t need – To splash from the crevice of your lips upon your décolletage

Shake your limbs;
Loosen the dirt around your roots,
come now you have it in you.
You will birth this forest grove
You will create this planet’s breath.
You will be the one who holds it all together,
You will be your own canopy shelter,
You are the life creator and shaper!
I’ve fallen to my knees on this:
Faith is not my haven,
Yet I can do no more than believe in you.

I should meet you because I’ve got this desire, but I can’t;
You know I can’t; I know I don’t get to make this call.

If You’re Going To Sleep On Me, Don’t Do It In My Bed

Who am I? Well who do you want me to reference? I never made the time to collect all those greats and drop them here; Where are they? I rarely found any, but I knew from the start there was something more unique to the means through which I felt us; I have begun to express. You think it’s about anyone else? Keep thinking. I spent a lot of time not being me, but by doing so I unearthed who I am. For a definition of what an ‘I’ is, you are to look to yourself.

Lose yourself in your desires, and find yourself in my grip. Tell me
to touch, tell me to move, you know me – I’m listening for you,
your mind, Your actions are not lining up! This is something to shout.

I want to believe that this is the closest I can get to your heart, the closest my fan can get to your spark, the closest my vessel can become to housing part of your flame; It’s something I aimed for – No matter the size of the blaze; Each of us has only room for one fire – One innocuous switch from a conflagration. I learned to feel from scratch. By sheer desire to understand: I created this, I tore myself open, and chased down lights I never should have; All to know what it would be like. Even though I knew the answer, I knew what I should do, I grabbed tight to the wrong choice, denounced my voice of reason, and felt so that I could know by experience.

This is not a game. I’m not babbling insanity, you’re sleeping away, and I’m calling you baby. You could at least acknowledge this like you do the Sun; When it creeps through the shades early morning – In blissful resignation you try to pretend with a blind smile that it is not truly the hour to rise and live the mortal life.

I’m fearful. I’m not that strong for what I have to deal with. You know I’m just being impatient. I keep telling you I’ve delivered, and there is no unknown here. You’ve got to wonder, Is this something I will feel for all my days? I remember not knowing I felt this way. It’s hard to imagine for more than the passing of a last train, what it was like to not have an observation of myself – To be unaware that I truly existed and indeed these things within me were screaming to be told. I think it is imperative that I tell you this all, that I am for you; But I do not accomplish this for you – Come on lay down… I know that your heart has nothing to do with your mind, but it’s a beautiful figure of speech to say you love something with all of it.

What a rose – is it time for you to bloom? I don’t recall planting you; What colors will you choose?

If you don’t keep me out of your head,
You’ll never get me out of your bed

We Grew Up Through The Cracks; Our Limbs Wrapped Like Vines Around Olympus

I know what this will do to you. You have to know me by this, time is irrelevant. You know me.

I seen her undressed of course; that first time you were hanging, your neck so far off the edge of desire you could see the River Styx inches from your face, unsure of which side you found yourself on because there was no way it could still be the mortal realm – You’ve been wrong before, this was one of those times – You learned just how great the realm of flesh could be at it’s peak; Certainly it crossed into the realm of divinity. I seen into those mirrors. I seen the eyes of a god peering into those of the goddess. The real immortality was how long you could stay in one moment; Standing on the mirror like surface of a vast body of water far longer than natural law allowed; The slow draw of a bow string while the nimrod marks his aim, hanging like the pull from a final kiss before parting for the afterlife – You try to catch the breath, with quivering lips, in hopes of pulling their entire soul into yours one last time.

Lessing could not believe that man was born with a thirst for
knowledge only to be damned for attempting to slake his thirst;
Quite frankly neither can I.

As soon as we realize that we are dying to take the greatest risk,
we begin to live, for we naturalize and know that only now exists.
Nothing is forever, you can not put time in the bank for a next day,
The only return you can get on time is to be here in this moment!
So go for it, risk the wilderness, find the treasures of life abound;
and remember now, to appreciate it all while accumulating none.

The last time always goes so far as to mislead you that it isn’t the last time. That doesn’t change its nature though. It was, and truly that is all. You want me to laugh? I might if you’re funny. I might if you touch me. I’ll write you music, but it will take me some time, if you would but give it the silence needed. I’ll work tirelessly till it erupts from my soul; from the silence will spill beauty in notes bold and captivating, but It will take me time – If you would but give me the silence needed.

I’ve been looking God in his eyes,
all this time I was in his mind,
And it’s a dark place sometimes,
Always breaking light to find I,
Here I’ve been ignoring my,
Desire its my ire, got me burning,
While I feed this fire
lay it down, so I can burn it down,
put it down so you can drop it down
Rising up so the stars can take us home
Night shadows, like lost meadows
Here we are lost in times tempo
Kissing the lock of buried treasure,
Bring you up, its the next level,
This chambers loaded,
I’m dancing with your devils
Dangerous; It’s the telos.

This is just terrible. I am enraptured by your wonderful sounds. Just absolutely soothing; easing the tremors in my weary soul – Even if for several mellifluous moments. Will you dance in the rain free of restraint; Or will you wonder what might have evolved from this swirl of blood and water? It’s funny, We shower off and I don’t feel so much. Are you trembling – Is it because of you or me

If We Were Kids

I don’t think you’re ready for this. I don’t want to scare you, but everything I’ve ever done has been trial by fire. I know now the flames must be pretty hot, but you know I’m near the end of feeling the heat. Did you feel that chill? No? I must have been thinking of trekking through that blizzard. I’d pay the price of a plane ticket to that storm… to brave it again.

In the beginning we had this childlike curiosity, Oh it was infectious. Who lost it first? Heavens I held on, I never ceased to be amazed by you. I just felt shunned. I felt shut out; Like I couldn’t have from you what I hoped I’d tasted in every kiss…that initial fever never faded; The hint was on your tongue – I’m still in belief that I could unlock the mystery if I could steal a kiss every day until the end.

Look how I use my words, yet I never used them for you. And my actions were blind. I can fucking speak too! I never spoke beyond the obvious to make you certain of the detail, every fine grain of the world I felt. I have to keep going though, I can’t pause. I can’t reread because I’ll read you forever. I’ll read a line over and over because I can see so much there. Even I’m still mastering my ability to speak everything that is expressed quietly, and you know how I can go down.

I seen her dressed up a few times. Nothing made me feel more proud than the smile she wore when she was her all dressed up. Not for how great she looked, but for how fucking free and great she felt. I always tried to make her feel that way. I succeeded here and there, but I guess I missed a few exits. I missed a few lines. I missed a few nights. Most nights I missed. That’s just where I was able to show up at that time. I never knew I wasn’t there. Of course I was right there, but I wasn’t always there like I had hoped to be. I was lost in another direction, the ship was just off shore – You always try to jump, you always try to reach that damned ship, maybe even have plans to help raise the sails once you’ve found your feet on deck; but no one can walk the water – There isn’t enough salt in it to float me – I guess I’m heavy.

I still think on it as if I could have taken a different turn, if I had noticed the faults a little earlier – It just gets lost in the waves even if you think you’re keeping your eyes on it; Have you ever swallowed several mouthfuls of a wave that smacked you in the face a few times? A wave usually hits you once, but I got hit a bunch by the same ones. Is that like lightning striking twice or just shitty positioning? I suppose everything is how we prepare, and apply ourselves. It can’t be said that I didn’t try – was it my best? Maybe it was the best of me then, but I could do better now – If we were kids; I’d always let go of your hand a little reluctantly – Kids know, they know how swift a hand to hold can be lost. If we were kids, I’d hold you till my dreams dragged me off half asleep with whispers of you in the other direction. I’d wake up fast though; Excitedly remembering you sleep beside me. I mean when you did, if we were kids, but we’re not.

It’s no longer a surprise to me how I wake up – I rarely sleep through a night, I’m not restless or troubled. It may seem like I am. I’m just explaining to you in the best way I know how. You’re listening to me right? I know this is unlike anything before it. The message is the same. I wake up alive. I wake up calm, and ready to imbibe. I stopped drinking for a while. It just has a way of teaching me so much. I’m not drinking now – I wake up thirsty though, for water – Maybe a few pecks would suffice, I could never drink enough – Water will have to do for now.

I missed it. I wake up calm. So calm. Not concerned that it’s 2AM or 3AM or any time before 6AM. The number of hours doesn’t worry me. How many have I eaten to this point? I’ve got things to do that people like me aren’t made for… I am slowly convincing myself I’m capable of anything – That other spirit, we know he is capable of anything, but I’m still working into reality. I guess I’m in reality, but could I really come out the other end of that tunnel without destroying myself? Am I really that good? –  I know me You know me

Who the fuck are you?
Are you a sage?
Are you trying to look brave?
Don’t be afraid of me