We Get What We Deserve

She asked me to recite something then and there,
but on the spot I couldn’t.

She’s got dreams that make me question my own. Nursing and mechanics, she wants to fix people and their cars! I laughed and said, wait hold on – Yes when they get in a car accident they can just come to me, and I’ll fix everything.

She’ll fix everything. I believe her and it takes no convincing. This wasn’t one side against the other, it was a confession like conversation – we both had things to say.

18 years she’s lived here, and 24 definitely looks good on her. She shows me everything, and asks my thoughts on her ideas for what she wants. I have no place to tell her something other than what she feels so I say do as you please, who am I to say otherwise about what you feel, I won’t invalidate how you feel about yourself.

She tells me men have paid $2000 just to kiss her knees, and I kiss her knees. And that some pay just to talk to her, and I talk to her. She tells me men offer to change her life, and I tell her I can’t change her life-I could, I say-but it would be a perspective-no fools gold-only honesty.

She dances and I mouth her name. It’s a name I didn’t dare say out loud after I asked the first time to make sure I pronounced it right. She asks me what I’m into, but I know this isn’t the place or time. Time is expensive, and I really have to get going soon.

She commented on my jacket, that she loved it – I wasn’t sure how to play it so I just agreed and said, “High fashion. I’m sure someone paid a lot for it.” She laughed honestly, and I took a sip of champagne-although I doubt it was from the Champagne region of France, even at the steep price.

Touch? Are you into touch? – Touch? I think we are touching right now.

What are you doing later? Looking for the next thing.

No, what are you doing later?

I couldn’t help but imagine I’d be so wild. Probably finding a place to eat-No, what are you doing later?

Well I do hope that you’re free later to discuss it with me in person.

And at that moment I wondered what the hell was broken in me. How could I find a way to justify needing her services? Sure I wanted them, but I’ve told you this already that wants are never needs.

I told her to find me later, she said she would find me later.

As I sat there reading through my thoughts of where I had been, I was joined by a friendly character. She too loved my jacket, and spoke of how great our mutual friend was. I asked her where she was from, and Colombia seemed to be the answer-We got into the ways of things that most people don’t discuss, and I admitted she was someone spectacular- Where we were was nice, but she could do much better-Roars of laughter ensued, we spilled my champagne, and we laughed more. Talk was going around, and after ours, she liked me even more. She liked me even more now-A repeated phrase throughout. She asked for the time, and I replied that she had better get going; time is money after all.

I wouldn’t say I waited, but I hung around for a while – It helped me ease the disappointment out over a bit more, and I wanted that.

 

Conversation on Magic

How much do you think of our existence… is in our heads – the adage “mind over body”

Interesting question. In some sense, it’s ALL in our heads, since we cannot experience anything that we do not perceive through our nervous systems.

On the other hand, theory of mind suggests that there ARE other beings outside of myself, who have minds of their own that are ALSO perceiving.

So there must presumably be *something* that’s outside our heads.

And similarly, effects such as gravity, mass, inertia, etc. seem to hold true regardless of what I think about them. I cannot disbelieve gravity and thereby learn to fly, so again, it can’t ALL be in our heads.

…Or at least, it cannot all be subject to the “mind over body” whims of my conscious being.

I do think that the mind can do amazing things with the body that we don’t tend to realize are possible

as far as controlling rocks outside of the body though… the natural laws as you say… that’s another story

I agree.

Your reference to “rocks outside the body” reminds me of something I saw written by “Michael Faust” at one point. A story about how a rock fell near him…

Anyway, what leads you to ask?

Conscious thought patterns, and recognizing them as they run rampant and out of control, and failing to keep the field in my mind weed, weed free

& then noticing what I can achieve when taking the time to will it to happen

& the positive outcomes of feeling more willful

Right on. I will say that I experimented with magickal workings enough in my younger years to know that there seems to be some kind of mechanism that connects will to manifestation.

How much more efficient is someone when you let them know they matter, that you believe in them.

same goes for the mind ^

TOTALLY!

Any drag on the craft will keep it from flight

It’s definitely possible to reduce the drag, at least

Right! and the limit? well no one knows for sure where it is, but it gets closer and closer to a special number probably

For a while. off and on, I’ve had my writings dip into the idea of magic and mind and how there is something within – usually in a deep sleep for most, however some can feel it stirring, and suppress it their entire lives

I think thoughts and mythos can impact it in different ways, as each believes

I think there’s truth to that

It takes a form you give it

One interesting idea that I read about that kind of thing is: you can think about those mythos elements as externalized entities and forces — beings with which you as a magick worker engage, like Elementals, Fairies, Angels, or whatever–AND you can just as validly think of those elements as internal aspects of your own consciousness, that you tap into within yourself.

The model you use depends on what you need.

I Like that.

I think (assume) it was from Robert Anton Wilson

Having more knowledge about how everything works is fantastic as well, because magic in my thoughts is a visualization process; a focus of will

So you can not know enough about things and it will be harder to accomplish

Yup. My focus shifted away from magick (externalized) and more toward will (internalized) over the years.

For me, understanding my will and making sure that it corresponds to my true values became the most important effort I could pursue.

And it requires a lot of knowledge– about myself, as well as about my assumptions and projections.

This has to become a writing

I agree with that so much

What I said DID become a writing. Free Will: A User’s Guide. 🙂

I read it years back! I don’t think I was mature enough in focus to comprehend it fully

It’s probably not as well-written as it could have been, but basically I was trying to describe my thinking process.

And there were probably more than a few of my own projections sprinkled through it, as well.

I think it should be noted that much of the will’s determination can be corroded away by the modern trappings of society

hence that deep slumber within a lot of folks

They just don’t recognize it’s existence fully

Indeed! Social conditioning can separate a person from understanding their own will

and what they understand it to be capable of is stunted

then it becomes a retraining

an awakening and reconnections

because having the words, the knowing, isn’t the same as performing it

exactly

the synapses have to be paved

it takes then, the WILL to focus and accomplish it

the same will men used to build railroads through mountains or sail across vast oceans with no map, alone the desire to reach new lands

Yes. And I think if you’re doing it right, there’s really nothing else you CAN do. You gotta be who you are, and that means knowing your true will and manifesting it.

It’s a matter of being genuine, not playing a game.

Absolutely

and that can be the trouble today

because we know sometimes we hold to a certain ideal we want

and the things we have can tear us from what we know we should be

work for some can be very political… which makes being self hard

That’s true….which is why I generally eschew leadership roles.

I put my ideas and my approach on the table, and people can “follow me” or not, but I’m never going to play a role for anyone.

I’m going to be who I am.

That made the whole Cypher thing seem ridiculous to me, last year.

And it explains why I’m still around the “********** community” in spite of all that shit. It’s just who I am.

Not trying to create an image, or play a role, or pretend I can give anybody wisdom or secrets or anything. I figure whatever insights people might get from encountering me are their own.

Not mine.

That’s pretty much why I link with you, as genuine of a person as I can tell

Thanks. As you can no doubt tell from what I’ve said, that’s what matters to me.

On Kings and Other Unfortunate Things

Who truly idolizes the king? Himself of course. But who is it that falls to a knee, head bowed in reverence? The one who aspires to take such a flush seat. The one who sees himself as deserving of all believed to be a kings right. The power to denounce all that does not serve his reign. The power to obtain whatever his fleshy eyes desire. This is who lays his lips close to the ground without the least bit of hesitation.

We will ultimately never know, because reason always seems to fall short in many who say they put it first.

 

Quotes for Quenching – 29

“When to say what’s on your mind can haunt your soul till the end if you wait too long”

You’ve always got deep things to say, and words to speak, but feeling out the right time to let them loose is not easy.
You can’t plan the right time, you can only become aware that it is now, and that’s usually when the trigger must be pulled.

Come on, get up to it! Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts – You’ve been waiting for this conversation for years it seems; Who knows when or if it will ever come around again.

And don’t just go saying everything that comes into your head. Breathe in and out with a steady flow. You can speak in a calm manner if you’re patient with yourself. Don’t let the train leave without you either. That would be an unfortunate regret.