I Won’t Live Forever

It’s all perspective, a frame we do have our hands on, always adjusting trying to get the right level

When you write as much as I do about it all, there can be no doubting how much you have examined to the depths; beyond what the average has analyzed abut themselves, about others. You make a lot of remarks that are certain, while trying to live multiple lives – only one can truly exist. If continued in this manner the cracks begin to show. A powerful will can hold them together, can keep the reckoning at bay; this doesn’t mean it ought to be. Slowly it tears at you, and while I feel this trial to be of value, it is not by any means a way to live in my determinations.

It’s a funny life, the way it comes around from space to space. Watching J hit the ring back to back in the heat of the moment – to this, here with you going on about your love for popcorn[ironic more than you know] and then just as willed by the gods you collect your bounty on the hook, ringed. Nursing drink after drink, and If I came right out and said what I wanted to – I wouldn’t be me, because me would never admit what the reckless would pour out of slit wrists. I’m good, you’re good, checking up on us – You won’t be there right? I mean a guy who drives a car like that? I’m over that kind of fear. Looking right into the mouth of the fire eating me alive, I can say the carpet matches the drapes.

Yeah I let you go, because I have to. That kind of fire eats you alive, until you’re nothing but embers hoping to find new wood to jump to and blaze. That kind of fire is a choice to flame out, that kind of life is a tall glass of 91 octane; only the good shit – you can’t afford to get me drunk

I won’t live forever, but I do hope you’ll lay with me

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We Get What We Deserve

She asked me to recite something then and there,
but on the spot I couldn’t.

She’s got dreams that make me question my own. Nursing and mechanics, she wants to fix people and their cars! I laughed and said, wait hold on – Yes when they get in a car accident they can just come to me, and I’ll fix everything.

She’ll fix everything. I believe her and it takes no convincing. This wasn’t one side against the other, it was a confession like conversation – we both had things to say.

18 years she’s lived here, and 24 definitely looks good on her. She shows me everything, and asks my thoughts on her ideas for what she wants. I have no place to tell her something other than what she feels so I say do as you please, who am I to say otherwise about what you feel, I won’t invalidate how you feel about yourself.

She tells me men have paid $2000 just to kiss her knees, and I kiss her knees. And that some pay just to talk to her, and I talk to her. She tells me men offer to change her life, and I tell her I can’t change her life-I could, I say-but it would be a perspective-no fools gold-only honesty.

She dances and I mouth her name. It’s a name I didn’t dare say out loud after I asked the first time to make sure I pronounced it right. She asks me what I’m into, but I know this isn’t the place or time. Time is expensive, and I really have to get going soon.

She commented on my jacket, that she loved it – I wasn’t sure how to play it so I just agreed and said, “High fashion. I’m sure someone paid a lot for it.” She laughed honestly, and I took a sip of champagne-although I doubt it was from the Champagne region of France, even at the steep price.

Touch? Are you into touch? – Touch? I think we are touching right now.

What are you doing later? Looking for the next thing.

No, what are you doing later?

I couldn’t help but imagine I’d be so wild. Probably finding a place to eat-No, what are you doing later?

Well I do hope that you’re free later to discuss it with me in person.

And at that moment I wondered what the hell was broken in me. How could I find a way to justify needing her services? Sure I wanted them, but I’ve told you this already that wants are never needs.

I told her to find me later, she said she would find me later.

As I sat there reading through my thoughts of where I had been, I was joined by a friendly character. She too loved my jacket, and spoke of how great our mutual friend was. I asked her where she was from, and Colombia seemed to be the answer-We got into the ways of things that most people don’t discuss, and I admitted she was someone spectacular- Where we were was nice, but she could do much better-Roars of laughter ensued, we spilled my champagne, and we laughed more. Talk was going around, and after ours, she liked me even more. She liked me even more now-A repeated phrase throughout. She asked for the time, and I replied that she had better get going; time is money after all.

I wouldn’t say I waited, but I hung around for a while – It helped me ease the disappointment out over a bit more, and I wanted that.

 

What does it mean?

Who is anyone to tell you this. Any can only say what it means for them. If it moves you enough, to some sense of reason or heart in you, then you will find the gravity to what is presented – It will lay upon you, in layers of sheets, or weight dead, and you will be comfortable with this. If you can’t stand the idea of it sinking into you deeply, then whatever it means, is not meant for you. At least not at the time. But if that bothers you, then perhaps it is meant for you now. The discomfort is truth discerning as it should.

Slowly we will come into the water, and we shall retire from this beach.
I say it’s all been a vacation, but there was work involved – Still reality must star again, take the stage from under us, as the act ends.

This flower has called the wings in, and they come and collect all the sweet things. It’d be so boring without decay. If kings never died, none of us would ever get on. And I couldn’t imagine getting off anywhere that train stops. Could you imagine? A deep breath, and I’m not waiting for the answer. With this one, we may melt the crown down. Turn it into a couple of forks, to give some fucking utility to the old chap.It would be a shame to be so golden, and never have done a thing to earn it.

Are your feet used to the cool yet? You’ve been babying the swim for a minute now. I said slowly, but are you that sloth, are you that demure? I’ve seen you leap off cliffs, water way below, but with your face only a foot length off the temperature frightens.

Strode the entire life of it backed off the throttle, hardly could any have enjoyed what came after ignition. But a king doesn’t have the same vision as the prince, or even the conqueror.You see the prince has dreams, and if he is any worthy salt, he will live for them. He will not cower once he gets his first taste of satisfaction. The same can’t be said of the throne. No king lived without fears of loss. Something to lose in the mind, and it cripples.

It’s the ones who lose and bounce back that are conquerors. They stand with a mouth full of blood and look to take their next. Whether it is a swing, a step or a bite! They will continue to move forward until their life comes to a halt. And when it is wrested from their steeled hands, they will return every last of it to the dirt.

A conqueror knows it is what they build that matters,
the path which they carve, not what they have or lose.

 

 

Sit With Your Embers

Those nights when you feel lonely,
Even with all the company
Pickn’ up these problems,
Pieces telling us we shouldn’t;
Don’t touch me I’m poison

But look at the choke on you
Constraints on you, restricted
But we still want to hit you,

Take it down to the floor boards
Dancing to feel alive,
Stayin’ distant because we’re afraid to die

We all know that it sets the fire
But the drugs don’t do it,
No, not when your mind has seen through it.

Fuck, you need to burn out. You’ve been smoking for way too long, and your fire ain’t rising. Conserve yourself, and wait till the forest is ready to be consumed.

“Sometimes you reach a point when you can’t feel anything at all, just a ringing in your ears. Until like Beethoven, you find yourself pounding the keys of your life just to feel anything at all, trying to make the ground thunder below your feet.”

Oh hush, shut it. These little jewels, these sparks fallen on you, leaving tiny holes in your clothes – these are perfect, right what you need. Plenty enough to bring you back up to speed. These are the real fires, this is where the magic gets started. I’ve seen more in them than people have realized in a forest blaze. Because the fire will end, but these are potential. These are the dangers coming, just begun. Give them to me, and I’ll breathe life into them.

Quotes for Quenching – 32

“Empathy matters not just because it makes you good, but because it is good for you. It has the power to heal broken relationships, erode our prejudices, expand our curiosity about strangers and make us rethink our ambitions. Ultimately empathy creates the human bonds that make life worth living.” — Roman Krznaric

But what about that lesson to take it all home with you? Yes you are going somewhere, and really with yourself is the first and last company. You have considered taking home something rather flush, really exquisite. Only is has been left at the door, nothing further considered. You always talk a strong game, and when the night comes to the marker – well you turn head. You leave the key in the lock, but you don’t dial in.

This matter is beyond importance. It is more than a concept to reach others by way of the soul. It is the only way you will share happiness, for this life, with yourself. Do you not find self eager to wake each new second with the kiss of joy? Then no more. We begin now.

Carry your hand here. Turn the wheel, and begin to accept it. How can you treat any part with contempt, when you treat so admirably the whole as perfection? You bond to the word of another, the voice of a sweet song, the embrace of another, a touch of serendipity. You have found something in every word, so now welcome it home. Ease the hand; and the eye with which you view the sacred.

I didn’t really expect to do empathy any justice,
indeed not with so few considered words,
but that doesn’t mean I can’t offer my hands.

My Last Words On You

A body moves in this darkness,
a wayfarer of sorts pedals feet.
Travel is one all minds will meet.

I should have filled the water for you before I left.
Not that you can’t, but I worry for your wrists.
I know how you love to play,
and cringe to think how it sometimes can be in pain.

And here I am quiet,
I look up and catch your smile as you sit on the toilet.
Gross – A word that not once came to mind;
Even without a rose colored lens;
Your caring color is the way I saw you

Your hair is down, so that means you’ll wash it now,
I always like to put my hands through it and remove the tangles.
How long did it take me to remember not to splash water off my shoulders and into your face? You say it’s fine, but I fear not learning from my mistakes

I didn’t get the chance to hang the painting back,
But that’s usually how leaving turns out in the end.
Selfish at times, but I think in ways I made it right.
How arrogant of me to pen that in here as a line.
My very last words to you, I know you’ll be just fine.
But if you’re feeling it, hearing from you would  be nice.

And did you ever talk about that shock you got living in your spine?
Yes you know you’re a magic entity, and it’s all familiar lines.
A taste you’ve had, blood you’ve sowed, your palms where sprouts begin to grow

When She’s Looking Up At Me?

What is it?

Hold out your palm, Barely anything held.
Now put two together, cupping the water,
And you or I can drink as if from a vessel.
Pull back your hand, and something is lost.
Life is like this – Alone one can make do;
But two acting as one can do much more.

I am confident that the things I am doing will lead to a high peak, or perilous tragedy