I Could Tell

God baby another hit?
I don’t know if you could stomach it
Do you know how high you are?
I’m looking up and wondering;
If I’d catch you when you fall
Or if you’ll go right through my arms

Day dreamin, day scheming,
Got my whole day planned
And you’re fucking it up again
Alright alright alright with it sure I am,
I’m with Alice in wonderland
Got some space dust and a watering can that can’t sleep,
And a lot of beautiful dogwood flowers
And a clock that refuses to tell time,
As it Screams be you,
anything forced on you isn’t true.
And I’m all about it baby,
I yell back, you’re true blue heaven,
If it’s not here on Earth
It got to be in the next hit
One more and I swear we’re back swirling again to the other day dancing bachata in the Dominican turning heads on the dance floor of your perfect order
But there is no order, it’s all random
And you must be somebody’s baby,
Got to be, the only light?
Way too many stars in the sky to pretend that that’s the true,
And to the moon, from there it all looks the new, to two inches from your face nothing changes – but dam that’s some space!

Got a new paycheck that says I can do whatever I want, but it doesn’t work like that so I burn money in the back room with my coat on

Gold was never my color, but that’s not your fault. I wear it well, a crown I will have until time removes it; I built a kingdom, and within it I erected this temple so that when I need to sleep I can crash in the pews. Yeah the type of shit we do, here is where Hozier really meant to take him-and it’s funny because in here you’re taking me. I’m the fucking, Jesus I won’t say that while we fuckin’ – but I was born sick and I love it.

Conversation on Magic

How much do you think of our existence… is in our heads – the adage “mind over body”

Interesting question. In some sense, it’s ALL in our heads, since we cannot experience anything that we do not perceive through our nervous systems.

On the other hand, theory of mind suggests that there ARE other beings outside of myself, who have minds of their own that are ALSO perceiving.

So there must presumably be *something* that’s outside our heads.

And similarly, effects such as gravity, mass, inertia, etc. seem to hold true regardless of what I think about them. I cannot disbelieve gravity and thereby learn to fly, so again, it can’t ALL be in our heads.

…Or at least, it cannot all be subject to the “mind over body” whims of my conscious being.

I do think that the mind can do amazing things with the body that we don’t tend to realize are possible

as far as controlling rocks outside of the body though… the natural laws as you say… that’s another story

I agree.

Your reference to “rocks outside the body” reminds me of something I saw written by “Michael Faust” at one point. A story about how a rock fell near him…

Anyway, what leads you to ask?

Conscious thought patterns, and recognizing them as they run rampant and out of control, and failing to keep the field in my mind weed, weed free

& then noticing what I can achieve when taking the time to will it to happen

& the positive outcomes of feeling more willful

Right on. I will say that I experimented with magickal workings enough in my younger years to know that there seems to be some kind of mechanism that connects will to manifestation.

How much more efficient is someone when you let them know they matter, that you believe in them.

same goes for the mind ^

TOTALLY!

Any drag on the craft will keep it from flight

It’s definitely possible to reduce the drag, at least

Right! and the limit? well no one knows for sure where it is, but it gets closer and closer to a special number probably

For a while. off and on, I’ve had my writings dip into the idea of magic and mind and how there is something within – usually in a deep sleep for most, however some can feel it stirring, and suppress it their entire lives

I think thoughts and mythos can impact it in different ways, as each believes

I think there’s truth to that

It takes a form you give it

One interesting idea that I read about that kind of thing is: you can think about those mythos elements as externalized entities and forces — beings with which you as a magick worker engage, like Elementals, Fairies, Angels, or whatever–AND you can just as validly think of those elements as internal aspects of your own consciousness, that you tap into within yourself.

The model you use depends on what you need.

I Like that.

I think (assume) it was from Robert Anton Wilson

Having more knowledge about how everything works is fantastic as well, because magic in my thoughts is a visualization process; a focus of will

So you can not know enough about things and it will be harder to accomplish

Yup. My focus shifted away from magick (externalized) and more toward will (internalized) over the years.

For me, understanding my will and making sure that it corresponds to my true values became the most important effort I could pursue.

And it requires a lot of knowledge– about myself, as well as about my assumptions and projections.

This has to become a writing

I agree with that so much

What I said DID become a writing. Free Will: A User’s Guide. 🙂

I read it years back! I don’t think I was mature enough in focus to comprehend it fully

It’s probably not as well-written as it could have been, but basically I was trying to describe my thinking process.

And there were probably more than a few of my own projections sprinkled through it, as well.

I think it should be noted that much of the will’s determination can be corroded away by the modern trappings of society

hence that deep slumber within a lot of folks

They just don’t recognize it’s existence fully

Indeed! Social conditioning can separate a person from understanding their own will

and what they understand it to be capable of is stunted

then it becomes a retraining

an awakening and reconnections

because having the words, the knowing, isn’t the same as performing it

exactly

the synapses have to be paved

it takes then, the WILL to focus and accomplish it

the same will men used to build railroads through mountains or sail across vast oceans with no map, alone the desire to reach new lands

Yes. And I think if you’re doing it right, there’s really nothing else you CAN do. You gotta be who you are, and that means knowing your true will and manifesting it.

It’s a matter of being genuine, not playing a game.

Absolutely

and that can be the trouble today

because we know sometimes we hold to a certain ideal we want

and the things we have can tear us from what we know we should be

work for some can be very political… which makes being self hard

That’s true….which is why I generally eschew leadership roles.

I put my ideas and my approach on the table, and people can “follow me” or not, but I’m never going to play a role for anyone.

I’m going to be who I am.

That made the whole Cypher thing seem ridiculous to me, last year.

And it explains why I’m still around the “********** community” in spite of all that shit. It’s just who I am.

Not trying to create an image, or play a role, or pretend I can give anybody wisdom or secrets or anything. I figure whatever insights people might get from encountering me are their own.

Not mine.

That’s pretty much why I link with you, as genuine of a person as I can tell

Thanks. As you can no doubt tell from what I’ve said, that’s what matters to me.

I The Unseen Chills

I feel it, and wonder has it yet perforated my entire soul.
A best is that, yours or mine, best.
I wish I could have been better

Sometimes you just want selfishness
to take the last bit of air from you
and while you turn blue,
it apologizes that this time it won’t share.

I Always Liked The Light Show

I’m not much for staying quiet, the forces of nature know my mind is turning; and it must flow. I can not sit by the banks and hold all the water to my self. I’m not much for being pushed either. I’m patient – But that patience does has an end it seems. I never minded watching with some contemplation. I just took too long to churn the situation.

I lit the fuse about 20 seconds ago. I know I should have given a heads up, but I think you know the spark has been running. I’m not quite sure what it was, but we’ll see soon what I’ve set off.

When I’m in the dark,
When I’m in the dark my heart fails
A couple bumps, and I think I need a kilo;
So much weight I could push the scales –
Take my evening strolls to the chimeras’ lair.
Let’s skip to the full moon! It’s a short fair

And now I know what it is I am preparing for.
One night, when I awake at 3 A.M. unable to slip
back into dreams – I will look beside me, and there you will be
Sleeping peacefully near – and suddenly,
The madness of it all won’t seem so lonely.

Did you see the flash! There it is another one! What doom we saw and called it beauty!
I do remember all the times I let us slide, I have learned though now that there was never any time. No time to sit and watch. I had to taste you in the moment right before getting lost. Because in the blink of an eye it will all be gone. But dam it’s a hell of a show. Loud enough to keep the image vivid in your mind all the way home. And when we get there:

I’m going to change my galaxy
I’m going to paint a few things a bit closer, and some others further apart
I’m going to let all the colors run to where they want

When we we’re on fire, the heat didn’t really bother us.
Now it’s hard to ignore the burns, but I’m still walking.

 

Last Night I Think I Lost My Patience

I put my hands around you, I’ve got to get a handle on you
Nothing but respect, that’s all I do
So I don’t want to be seen sideways
When you look at me like I don’t make the sense that we’re talkin,
measure the cut, did I forget something?
Am I making you work too hard for me

You look tired. You look tired.
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
You look tired. You look tired.
She pulls me in all directions, I swear without her I’d be just a point
on a map
You look tired. You look tired.
It never really mattered too much to me. I don’t untangle your hair like I used to
You look tired. You look tired.
I was desiring, as the urge burned within me for a taste

Cutting on the board, orchestrate my heartbeat with her waving fingers, as she moves hair out of her face; The person I am when I’m with you, sans all the other shit;

Her whole world is so much richer than mine, The sounds I hear are not as textured nor do they go as deep. Maybe I’m too worried about the hideous monsters still drinking tea at my table; Admit I’m the fucking lightening!

Well darling it’s water again. Clear, transparent as your body kneeling before his. The thing about our actions is they are not solely our own; We, in this complicated prestige, take the role in a play. Some people are not capable of living with secrets, because they don’t know the ways of concealment. I have read your diary. I have written several of its passages. You have divulged sufficient soul and I can expound on it. And now the thing I must draw out, is how I should let it sink to the ocean floor. God wouldn’t that be a riot! I’d say come along for the fun, but I wouldnt want to get sidelined at my own send-off. You don’t want to dance with me anyways; I don’t think you’re my style. So I’m going to go slam some Hennesey, and move front ways back ways till I’m sure I’m taking the right one. Because choices in the dark are always the ones that we want.

Secrets really leave no mark, I can not say the same for wounds.

I’ve been lost and I’ve been high, and both of them have had me wondering why

The Hottest Night The Jungle Ever Had

“What is it which makes a man and a woman know that they, of all other men and women in the world, belong to each other? Is it no more than chance and meeting? No more than being alive together in the world at the same time? Is it only a curve of the throat, a line of the chin, the way the eyes are set, a way of speaking? Or is it something deeper and stranger, something beyond meeting, something beyond chance and fortune? Are there others, in other times of the world, whom we should have loved, who would have loved us? Is there, perhaps, one soul among all others — among all who have lived, the endless generations, from world’s end to world’s end — who must love us or die? And whom we must love, in turn — whom we must seek all our lives long — headlong and homesick — until the end?
— Robert Nathan (Portrait of Jennie)

What fool will first make a proposal? Is it you? Do you have the pomp? Will you claim your gavel to be judge; or do you think such things should be left to the faculties of twelve? Too many mouths when we need all the senses. I’m talking more than bodies! The dialectic won’t be swallowed by bites. Haven’t we learned this ? Where are the other parts! We need the tetractys – The whole is greater than the sum of its bits and pieces you keep fooling with.

We were talking love though weren’t we? Oh you can talk love all you want, but it isn’t there until you act beyond the things you expect to receive. And how do you know when you will? With any certainty? I’m not sure we can ever answer that. Perhaps it comes down to forgiving all the shards in your hands because it wasn’t after all their intent to slip into your skin. They simply existed; and you merely put pressure – And where the two met, they got to know each other.

I don’t want to get clinical nor do I want to be cynical. The world is rife with beautiful things coming and going. But you’ve got to keep the basics together. You’ve got to work with a body of matter, and then pull in other bits. If you plan to go from one end to the other, you must have something to go on. But here you are! You are sure, already, about what you have to go on! That’s why you’re barely visible from the steps. You couldn’t wait to get out there. To get out there and prove whatever started this fire, exists.

 

 

I Don’t Know How To Talk To You

I don’t know how to talk to you when you take your head off. So I just plant flowers and hope  they grow deep roots. I think back to all the gardens I’ve tried to grow, and I don’t think I’ve ever did it the way I really wanted. I mean the way I talked about doing it all the time. With the alluring path that draws you in, and the stimuli that overwhelm those senses. We have talks that open you up, but it’s not everything I am.  Say goodbye to those quieter parts; Shade is a work to cast and flowers take time to grow. Hold up, keep up, soft as water love to raise a garden trust.

They say it’s love, but it isn’t love is it
I just don’t understand. Or I’m scared that I do.
We want to speak to hear how we sound
We want space, but we don’t want to be alone

I don’t think I’ve fully explained to you all about myself. Probably because beyond seeking dangers of all peculiar sorts, I don’t know much what makes me feel the way I do. Strangely enough though something has changed. I used to not consider the potential harm of danger. I overlooked it, it would never be me of all persons. I’ve started to put the belt on when I drive. I think for a moment before I jump – Before I do anything. Maybe because you made me realize what might be lost if it were me, just once.

I try with you,
I know you feel what I feel;
It seems like I say all the great things,
but I know you can’t be serious about me

I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve heard first hand stories of your childhood, and they make me smile – I know how you treat your family at the dinner table, and lounging around the house; Your goals are beautiful struggles I know you’ll achieve; Your inner mythology drags me under with all its’ lessons about leaving; Breathing all the time is overrated. I know what you’d get as a tattoo, even though you’d never get one, for now.

You better wake up & act like nothing’s wrong

I Don’t Believe In Ghosts

I don’t think you are real at all,
I dreamt it up, and that is fact.
I am a writer, and my stories are exaggerated
What part of this is not fabricated?
There is no proof anywhere to be had.

Have I not always been looking to the light switches?
It was always me turning them on and off!

My hands pressed into the mattress, it was all a magic trick
The places I awoke in were just mental jewels
Constructions of an intensely vivid imagination
Of a delusional high induced state of mind.
Even in my own reality I felt the need to be haunted
Haunted, a ring in my ears, an echo I am aware,
I come to them in such a way, that leaving…
Leaving will always be my death – One last time my old friend.

Oh and you are no fun with it at all!
Straight to the point, you want me hung before dawn
If I could just drink that whiskey I’ve been saving.
I’ll just leave it to someone who’ll tell a better story;
Because as cold as you are, you won’t wait for it to chill.
Is there anything I can get you before we take this someplace more damned?
Quiet, you contemplate, but expound no words.

I love when you come around, all dressed in your absurdity,
Acting like it’s ambiguous, but we all know each other’s role.
Come my harbinger, what’s one last dance to greet the sun?
Oh well this won’t work, now will it? Deus Vult! Or does he?
Curious, I heard the Chat out on the street,
told me a little bird had learned of the greatest deed!
Your judicator has been slain! And his murderer; Me.
Who now, will preside over this atrocity? Gott ist tot!
His body slumps to the bottom of the sea.

Still here we are, not having a single stroke of luck,
Mathematical probability is not with us in this one.
You want to be desired for your money and success!
No one admits that, but it’s how they live, litmus test.
What about ghosts? If I can’t see or feel it what’s the bother?
It doesn’t whatsoever, easy to forget, forever.

Everything I need is in reach if I want;
If you ain’t eating a plate, don’t even get involved
Because I’m going all the way, won’t settle for a draw;
It’s good over here, let me show ya

A Mouth Full Of Vitals

I want to collapse into the sweet earth, the dirt is my home.
I must not forget that it will be the final place I lay;
Because unlike the lovely rooted denizens ,
My connection is not so physical
Face in the dust, a mouth full of mud
I won’t say anything that filthy.

I’m floating along with all my pride,
What a foolish thing I constantly parade over my mind.
It is more than ironic that this time I am Caesar and the knife

I’ve hoped for mornings,
and I think I’ve been given more than enough sunrises

I never mean these ends
I just want to write about happiness

I can not show my face in the city,
The grime will not find lodging, so I must take some time
I will go away now for a while

I Lost My Mind Trying To Be On Yours

And that was my mistake among many. I went and lost something in a time I couldn’t afford to be without. It crossed over the fissures with certainty that it could always leisurely stroll back the way it had found.

I’m a risk taker. And the things I saw were in no way worth what I lost. And I don’t think you should be damned to burn just because you misplaced something for a time

I make a special case for those who’ve lost a soul in their lessons, the pull of curiosity was far too much to declare them demons; Hardly are they worse than children who had to take a drink. How can one be blamed for a thirst they could not slake? Like Dumbledore, they had no choice but to lap to the last sip. And I know they will spend long enough looking to reconcile the fall with what they were able to come away with; In some measure of time they may even reunite, at least in part, with what was severed. It is only a matter of collecting the kindling and kindly applying the process before a spark will start back up the fire needed to reignite the blaze.

As for those who’ve lost the mind, well it’s a different case, with varying degrees. If you’re comprehending still, then you haven’t lost it too bad; And with some quiet labors one should be able to regain a stable flow – You shouldn’t question why you did what you did at each turn, since it will only get you stuck in a loop of doubts. That is a very long, and potentially endless route back to what you’re looking for. If you resolve to go with that method I will say goodbye to you here; I won’t be waiting for your return nor will these words.

If you accept that you know your mind, and do not doubt its reasons, regardless of poor placements, then I advise you take up work; Use your hands. In them you hold the key to a vehicle that will take you to your conclusions. In them you have found what you are looking for, no matter what they hold.

It’s always a peculiar thing to lose

In the palm of yours I followed long lines through mystical domains of drought and plenty; In the valleys of your back I found only the most gorgeous river banks and beds. I would tell more, but that is not for here – It was a grand adventure, and I can’t say that like it, I’ve had too many.

In my own palm I skipped the line and broke all the rules. Although it was a crime punishable by death I gave myself a stay of execution; When I get around to it I’ll draft the pardon, but for now I’ll harvest these blue moons and gentle tunes