Mathematical Universe; A Beautiful Thing

“Deep down, you are a wondrous, autonomous mathematical function, with infinite capacity, seeking to find the optimal answer to yourself – which is why we are all obsessed with answers. That very drive for an “answer” is, if you think about it, the quintessence of living mathematics. What else would a mathematical universe do except find the optimal solution to itself?” – Unknown

This here is an ode to all the great thinkers prior–who did so much as they could, and even in their own greatness fell to traumas handed down to them from this world. May we all do our best to move beyond, to keep perspective, and grow. Here is hoping, with great effort to be continued, that the future will continue to stand taller upon the shoulders of those with great character each and every step of the way; that when we are confronted with the pivotal choice, we choose in the way of integrity and grit — with the lives of future generations in mind.

 

Was it really an ode? Not quite. But I’ve things to do.

Well Don’t Get Lonely Now

Music to watch boys to, it’s something a certain type of girl swallows;
But my eyes don’t follow

I am afraid there is nothing here for you to take;
With you there is a do not disturb sign over the door to the party
and I’m dancing, all by myself it’s euphoric — You’re there,
but off in the distance.
A plush and comfortable space littered
with shattered mirrors and empty bottles.
I don’t drink, really I don’t unless it takes me
someplace worth disappearing to;
a matte black room with gold trim
keeps all the noise outside – and whatever we do, inside

Wish I may, wish I might — Really do what I ought tonight.

I can’t keep track of it all, you disaster, you ballroom head turner
In practice, you dance alone, but imagine that people are watching.

With yourself, in solitude are you lonely?

The second you reach out someone’s hand is there for you,
although a hand with intention is not what you are seeking.
So you sit back, pretty high, on what you believe to be a throne.
You don’t recognize it but entitlement forces the image in your mind
that every seat is a throne. Every stare is thus unqualified and non-deserving of the art you unveil. You feel superior, empowered to take back what you believe has been usurped by a quiet observer’s glance over the courtyard common grounds. A garnish, you must get something more from those beneath you
else you can not feel whole,

And when they aren’t watching? When by their own self acceptance and love they choose to look through you… what then?
Who will you be in that moment?

We Get What We Deserve

She asked me to recite something then and there,
but on the spot I couldn’t.

She’s got dreams that make me question my own. Nursing and mechanics, she wants to fix people and their cars! I laughed and said, wait hold on – Yes when they get in a car accident they can just come to me, and I’ll fix everything.

She’ll fix everything. I believe her and it takes no convincing. This wasn’t one side against the other, it was a confession like conversation – we both had things to say.

18 years she’s lived here, and 24 definitely looks good on her. She shows me everything, and asks my thoughts on her ideas for what she wants. I have no place to tell her something other than what she feels so I say do as you please, who am I to say otherwise about what you feel, I won’t invalidate how you feel about yourself.

She tells me men have paid $2000 just to kiss her knees, and I kiss her knees. And that some pay just to talk to her, and I talk to her. She tells me men offer to change her life, and I tell her I can’t change her life-I could, I say-but it would be a perspective-no fools gold-only honesty.

She dances and I mouth her name. It’s a name I didn’t dare say out loud after I asked the first time to make sure I pronounced it right. She asks me what I’m into, but I know this isn’t the place or time. Time is expensive, and I really have to get going soon.

She commented on my jacket, that she loved it – I wasn’t sure how to play it so I just agreed and said, “High fashion. I’m sure someone paid a lot for it.” She laughed honestly, and I took a sip of champagne-although I doubt it was from the Champagne region of France, even at the steep price.

Touch? Are you into touch? – Touch? I think we are touching right now.

What are you doing later? Looking for the next thing.

No, what are you doing later?

I couldn’t help but imagine I’d be so wild. Probably finding a place to eat-No, what are you doing later?

Well I do hope that you’re free later to discuss it with me in person.

And at that moment I wondered what the hell was broken in me. How could I find a way to justify needing her services? Sure I wanted them, but I’ve told you this already that wants are never needs.

I told her to find me later, she said she would find me later.

As I sat there reading through my thoughts of where I had been, I was joined by a friendly character. She too loved my jacket, and spoke of how great our mutual friend was. I asked her where she was from, and Colombia seemed to be the answer-We got into the ways of things that most people don’t discuss, and I admitted she was someone spectacular- Where we were was nice, but she could do much better-Roars of laughter ensued, we spilled my champagne, and we laughed more. Talk was going around, and after ours, she liked me even more. She liked me even more now-A repeated phrase throughout. She asked for the time, and I replied that she had better get going; time is money after all.

I wouldn’t say I waited, but I hung around for a while – It helped me ease the disappointment out over a bit more, and I wanted that.

 

Takers

Do you really want to hold onto it? Is this the thing you choose?
Life will only allow you to fight for a handful.
That’s all you’ll ever grab.

The problem with wanting to hold onto something is that someone can take it.

It doesn’t matter how much time or energy you spend fighting tirelessly – as soon as you shut your eyes, turn your head even, they will come and relieve you. No sooner have they done this, and they are back to the streets looting the rest of the world.

The reason we take is because we can only hold so long – We can only hold so much.
And then we put it all down in one of the ways things leave our space, to take again.

A Different Way To Breathe

They might laugh at a man who says he used to breathe differently than he does today.

All the while they laugh, continuing to breathe without a conscious mend

What does it mean?

Who is anyone to tell you this. Any can only say what it means for them. If it moves you enough, to some sense of reason or heart in you, then you will find the gravity to what is presented – It will lay upon you, in layers of sheets, or weight dead, and you will be comfortable with this. If you can’t stand the idea of it sinking into you deeply, then whatever it means, is not meant for you. At least not at the time. But if that bothers you, then perhaps it is meant for you now. The discomfort is truth discerning as it should.

Slowly we will come into the water, and we shall retire from this beach.
I say it’s all been a vacation, but there was work involved – Still reality must star again, take the stage from under us, as the act ends.

This flower has called the wings in, and they come and collect all the sweet things. It’d be so boring without decay. If kings never died, none of us would ever get on. And I couldn’t imagine getting off anywhere that train stops. Could you imagine? A deep breath, and I’m not waiting for the answer. With this one, we may melt the crown down. Turn it into a couple of forks, to give some fucking utility to the old chap.It would be a shame to be so golden, and never have done a thing to earn it.

Are your feet used to the cool yet? You’ve been babying the swim for a minute now. I said slowly, but are you that sloth, are you that demure? I’ve seen you leap off cliffs, water way below, but with your face only a foot length off the temperature frightens.

Strode the entire life of it backed off the throttle, hardly could any have enjoyed what came after ignition. But a king doesn’t have the same vision as the prince, or even the conqueror.You see the prince has dreams, and if he is any worthy salt, he will live for them. He will not cower once he gets his first taste of satisfaction. The same can’t be said of the throne. No king lived without fears of loss. Something to lose in the mind, and it cripples.

It’s the ones who lose and bounce back that are conquerors. They stand with a mouth full of blood and look to take their next. Whether it is a swing, a step or a bite! They will continue to move forward until their life comes to a halt. And when it is wrested from their steeled hands, they will return every last of it to the dirt.

A conqueror knows it is what they build that matters,
the path which they carve, not what they have or lose.

 

 

Quotes for Quenching – 32

“Empathy matters not just because it makes you good, but because it is good for you. It has the power to heal broken relationships, erode our prejudices, expand our curiosity about strangers and make us rethink our ambitions. Ultimately empathy creates the human bonds that make life worth living.” — Roman Krznaric

But what about that lesson to take it all home with you? Yes you are going somewhere, and really with yourself is the first and last company. You have considered taking home something rather flush, really exquisite. Only is has been left at the door, nothing further considered. You always talk a strong game, and when the night comes to the marker – well you turn head. You leave the key in the lock, but you don’t dial in.

This matter is beyond importance. It is more than a concept to reach others by way of the soul. It is the only way you will share happiness, for this life, with yourself. Do you not find self eager to wake each new second with the kiss of joy? Then no more. We begin now.

Carry your hand here. Turn the wheel, and begin to accept it. How can you treat any part with contempt, when you treat so admirably the whole as perfection? You bond to the word of another, the voice of a sweet song, the embrace of another, a touch of serendipity. You have found something in every word, so now welcome it home. Ease the hand; and the eye with which you view the sacred.

I didn’t really expect to do empathy any justice,
indeed not with so few considered words,
but that doesn’t mean I can’t offer my hands.

When She’s Looking Up At Me?

What is it?

Hold out your palm, Barely anything held.
Now put two together, cupping the water,
And you or I can drink as if from a vessel.
Pull back your hand, and something is lost.
Life is like this – Alone one can make do;
But two acting as one can do much more.

I am confident that the things I am doing will lead to a high peak, or perilous tragedy

I Been Thinkin’ Bout You

Now I’m on the wave, gon’ ride till I wipe out,
And I’ been fired up,
I say my prayers to the sky when it’s lights out
because no one knows how long we’ll be living on this high
I say my prayers to the sky
because every night it’s what I’m lookin up to,
Ridin’ round I got to get it because these dreams cost,
I  been so focused, wasn’t thinking bout you when I wrote this
I been trying to play my part to see my visions unfold in front of me,
What this cold has done to me
What I’ve chosen to be, feelin’ like I’m the one
I hit the road bout to make a ride on that avenue
I hit your phone, tell you girl get ready and you better lose the attitude
Because I ain’t got no time for it
I don’t need you stressin’ me girl,
When you wanna know that I’m for it,
She don’t really give me what I need
When we lay between the sheets,
I get to reminiscin’ on my old thang
she don’t know this – I can’t show it – gotta stay focused
As she whisper in my ear
tellin’ me she love me,
Right here right now,
Right here right now,
Tellin’ me that she need me
Right here right now,
Right here right now,
Tell me that she want me
Right here right now,
Right here right now,
Say she gon’ put it on me
Right here right now
Right here right now,
I been thinkin’ bout you, bout you, bout you
Lately, I been thinkin’ bout you
All the things you used to do,
How you told me that you couldn’t stay
Tell me what I’m, I’m supposed to do
I feel like I’ve lost my way, without you, without you,
As I tell my new chick – slide through

Shit I just need you to feel me,
I swear I’m givin’ you the real me
Shit I just need you to hold me
I came a long way from the old me

Slide through

Quotes for Quenching – 29

“When to say what’s on your mind can haunt your soul till the end if you wait too long”

You’ve always got deep things to say, and words to speak, but feeling out the right time to let them loose is not easy.
You can’t plan the right time, you can only become aware that it is now, and that’s usually when the trigger must be pulled.

Come on, get up to it! Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts – You’ve been waiting for this conversation for years it seems; Who knows when or if it will ever come around again.

And don’t just go saying everything that comes into your head. Breathe in and out with a steady flow. You can speak in a calm manner if you’re patient with yourself. Don’t let the train leave without you either. That would be an unfortunate regret.